Ou est tu allez en vacance?

Oddly, that's one of the first phrases I ever really picked up in French.  Which is a bit of a silly thing to say to a complete stranger when you're on your holidays.  Although if anyone wants to know how old I am, it's all right, I've got it covered - j'ai onze ans.

So anyway, I'm actually in actual France.  I'm not too sure what I expected from this country.  I expected French people, definitely.  I expected it to be a bit bigger than the UK.  So, thus far in the list, all my expectations have been met - and, to a certain extent, exceeded, due to the fact it's huge.

I'm staying with my sister, who has owned two houses out here for the last ten years and lived here for the last four years.  This is my first time in France and yes, that does make me a terrible sister.  Luckily for me, I have baked brownies and lemon drizzle cake today so I'm possibly nearly on my way to being forgiven by both the sister and The Brother-in-Law (capitalisation is, in this instance, correct, due to him being the definitive article of brothers-in-law and generally one of the most amazing chaps you could ever wish to meet) for having avoided their house like the plague for so many years. 

I have often described their abode (as I have been able to piece certain aspects of their life out here together by means of stories from everyone else who's been out here) as 'halfway up a mountain in the middle of nowhere'.  To be honest, it was a rather accurate description.  I mean, in fairness, you cannot fault the scenery, it's rather incredible.  Seven whole days of chilling out surrounded by people I love and something akin to the most beautiful parts of British countryside (think of Pitlochry and the Ribble Valley and the Lake District and Snowdonia all mixed into one and timesed by a hundred) but on a much bigger scale - I mean, it's not a bad life, is it!

I must say, before I go any further, that I am in love with Paris.  I briefly passed through the city on my way from one train station to another, but I felt that same tingle of excitement run down my spine and the same, almost overwhelming urge to leap out of the taxi and go off on an adventure as I did the first time I went to London.  I must return one day for a proper adventure.  Anyone who wishes to volunteer as my partner in crime can apply to the usual address.  Seriously.  Let's go.  It'll be ace.

Speaking of taxis - we made a bit of a faux-pas (see, I'm fluent already) in Paris when getting into a taxi.  Those familiar with Paris will probably have already guessed and are laughing at our idiocy, but let me tell you - it was the highlight of my journey!!  We had already  been on four different trains since 8a.m. (it was 4p.m. French time by the time we got off the train in Paris) and Jo had had a couple of little panic attacks, and we'd shared a table from London to Paris with a pair of hippies who gave hippies a bad name - and not only that, took all the leg room - so by the time we arrived in Paris, my head was done in, Jo's nerves were a wreck, and all I wanted to do was get on the last blasted train and get to Michelle's house.  That was the plan.

My very rusty French was the only thing that we had been reliant on, and I was convinced that even I could manage to say to a taxi driver "Le gare Bercy, s'il vous plait."  Ha! 

I had been pre-warned by Michelle that occasionally, there might be an obnoxious Parisian taxi-driver who would pretend not to understand me as I'd probably still be speaking with an English accent, so imagine my surprise when a silver fox strode purposefully towards the sister and I and asked where we needed to go - in English!  You know one of those people who are strikingly good-looking and even though you don't fancy them you feel a bit intimidated by them?  He was like that, he looked like a film star.  I told him we needed to go to Paris Bercy.  He said he'd take us.  We agreed a sum of money and off we went.  He was possibly THE most polite person I have ever met.  He opened the car doors for us, wouldn't let us handle our own bags, I mean, the works.  'Piggin' 'ell, dunno what our Shell's going on about, he's a very nice chap!' I stupidly thought to myself.

It wasn't until we got in we realised we'd actually hired a limo..................

Still.  Complimentary drinks and snacks AND soft trad jazz the whole journey - it was worth it.  But for future reference, apparently it should only cost between 15 and 20 Euros to get from Paris Nord to Paris Bercy in a taxi.  Not 80.

For those of you worried about how I'm coping on The Diet in France, I'm pleased to inform you that everything is still going swimmingly and I've been very good indeed.  Apart from yesterday, which was the actual date of Mum and Dad's anniversary.  We went to a restaurant for a... I dunno... seventy-six course meal - or at least that's what it still feels like.  I noshed like a good'un.  And they were so lovely.  The next to last course was the cheese course and they brought a trolley laden with all sorts of cheeses - and trust me, it stank to high heaven.  I hate cheese, and I couldn't bring myself to even attempt it just to be polite, the sight of it makes me feel a bit poorly - so they brought me a huge fruit platter.  I've never liked strawberries until yesterday - they were incredible.  I would've munched my way through the lot if it hadn't been for the fact I knew there was one more course to go... 

Finally, the dessert trolley arrived.  Oh, and I made up there for any cheese I didn't eat earlier on!  I really did!  Three desserts!!  A tarte au citron, which was melt-in-the-mouth fabulous, some sort of caramelly nutty... thing... that I could happily have eaten for the rest of my life - until the chocolate mousse.  Holy moly.  I can still taste it.  Hell's teeth.  It was the most amazing thing I've ever had in my life.

I've been very very good apart from that though, and in fact, I'm still quite full from yesterday, although I did manage a mushroom omelette for lunch today.  I've been for one monumental walk, and have had huge plans of more, but they just haven't come to fruition yet.  Still - I'm not going home until Wednesday so I've got plenty of time for all that sort of thing!!

I shall tell you more about my adventures when I get back.  I might be able to update again while I'm over here but don't hold me to that!!  There's still tonnes to tell you, such as my amazing discovery in the video cabinet, the discovery of Reggie Perrin and my new Superhero Psychology textbook!!

I got a postcard from the llamas, by the way.  They're all having a lovely time and Ricardo thinks he's found a new recruit for the dance troupe... more on that next time!!