I am Not a Number, I am a Free Woman!

You see, there's a reason for me updating my blog on a Friday rather than on a Thursday night.  If I'd asked the llamas to dance for me last night, Ricardo would have looked derisively at me and replied, "La mitad de una libra? Eso no vale ni siquiera una sonrisa, la novia!" - or, as they say in Spanish, "Half a pound? That isn't even worth a smile, girlfriend!" 

He'd have been right.  I was gutted.  There's no point in all of this 'any loss is a good loss' thing as soon as you get that news.  It's very encouraging and motivating two or three hours later when you've finished beating yourself up and you're in the process of dusting yourself down and starting all over again - and admittedly it's more helpful than handing over a large slice of chocolate cake and saying "to hell with it, get this down you!"  But at the time - when you'd been hoping and striving to lose a minimum of 2lbs and you only lose 1/2lb - trying to get any posititivity out of that feeling of abject failure is really tough.

However, I've slept on it.  Not the llama - the bitter disappointment that after a week of sensible eating and walking like a true Wainwright, I only lost half a blasted pound.  Now, after a fabulous night's sleep - now I can say the words we've all been waiting for all week:

Hit it, llamas!!!

*shimmys around the room shaking maracas*

Why the celebration??  Because, as I realised this morning, my focus had been dead wrong all week.

When I first started this weight loss thing, I wanted to lose five dress sizes.  I had absolutely no idea how much I weighed because I'd been too scared to stand on a pair of scales for at least five years (even when I got weighed at the doctors I closed my eyes and told them not to tell me what the scales said!), and I had no idea how much I wanted or, indeed, needed to lose in pounds and ounces.  That's still my aim.  I didn't think I'd lost sight of that, particularly, but when people start bringing scales into the equation, naturally your focus gets shifted to how much you weigh now and how much you ideally should weigh. 

Thankfully, Slimming World aren't interested particularly in focussing on BMIs and don't have that "if you're X feet and inches tall you should weigh X stone otherwise you're fat" mentality.  You set your own target, you don't even need to tell them what it is if you don't want to, they'll just give you the right support until you get to wherever you want to be.  Which is great.  But, for practical and logistic reasons, they do need to focus on the pounds.  Which is a very contagious focus, especially when you can't really see much difference but the scales tell you that you're definitely losing weight.

This week was completely the opposite.  I can now see that I'm getting smaller.  Even though it's only been a week I can see how the walking is helping to tone me up.  I can tell by my clothes being a lot more loose-fitting that I'm getting smaller.  I am still working towards being five sizes smaller.  I've lost one dress size already.  I've only got four to go by August.  I'll still do it.  It's all about the shape.  I'm not going to be dicatated to by a set of numbers on a pair of scales.  I'm still Being Skinny!!  Even if I did only lose half a pound!!

So, to any of my pals or my other readers who are also on a weight-loss journey and have had similar blip, honestly - don't feel down.  You've not failed, even though you might think it.  You're still winning.  It's the small battles that count.  We can all do this.  It'll happen.  We just need to keep our focus in the right place.  You will never wear a pair of scales but you will wear lovely clothes in smaller sizes.  You will.  It'll happen.  Let's do this!!

Join me again on Monday, when I'll give you a full report of the weekend's activity - I'm really excited about seeing my beautiful niece and gorgeous nephews (biological and adopted!) this weekend for one of the early celebrations of Mum and Dad's 50th anniversary.  It'll be a lovely weekend - and whatever it is you're up to over the next couple of days, have a fabulous time and I'll see you back here on Monday!!