Writer's Block

It's driving me IN-FLIPPIN'-SANE!!

For anyone who's had any contact with me over the last few weeks and I've seemed a little distracted and non-conversational, or you've wondered where my three hundred word text messages had gone to and why I haven't spoken to anyone unless it's been completely necessary - I CAN'T WRITE!!  My brain can't even process enough thought to hold a proper conversation at the moment, let alone actually write anything.  This may seem like a really trivial thing to you, and I apologise if you're bored already - especially because I can't even explain why it's so important that I do write.  That's not a pretentious, pseudo-artistic 'if you don't write, you wouldn't understand' type excuse, it's true.  I can articulate most things, but just not why I need to write. 

It isn't that I haven't got any ideas at all.  I've got vague thoughts for stories, books, scripts, sketches - you name it - in spades.  But I don't have full ideas.  I don't have enough of any one idea to be able to write one word.  The floodgates of the imagination are simply groaning with the effort of keeping the plethora of sentences that are stored up in my brain - if only I could hold onto ONE sentence long enough for it to blossom into a fully formed idea, rather than simply remaining stagnant as the beginning of a maybe.

ARGH!!!  It's the most frustrating thing ever. 

Having ideas, being able to write, writing itself is probably one of the most liberating things ever. That really irritating moment (everyone who writes must have gone through this at some stage) of waking up at two o'clock in the morning and HAVING to get all those ideas down before your brain explodes under the weight of them - yes, it's a pain when your body needs sleep but your brain won't stop whirring into overdrive.  Still, nothing makes me feel more alive than my fingertips flying across the keyboard, the eyes almost glazed over as the old imagination completely takes over body and soul, and before I know it I've actually created something, a person, a world and an adventure and I look back at it and think, "Woah, when did I write that?!"

When I read it back again in the morning, I might wince and think "Oh dear, when did I write that?!" but the fact is, I wrote something and the idea got out into the open.

It's like part of my brain has totally switched off.  This year started out so creatively, I wrote loads in The Phantom Winger, Adam and I wrote Slim Chance (hey, top 10% out of over 800 entrants is no mean feat!), I've written the liner notes for Nathan's album (released officially on 4th June, physical copies are already in circulation and are available at the album launch on 2nd June).  But then it's all sort of stopped. 

There are things I really want to write, but I can't.  I want to write more in The Phantom Winger - Alex's adventure hasn't even begun yet and I'm only about five paragraphs away from breaking the block on it!!  I want to rewrite Slim Chance but I know that's pretty much on hold till Mr Leslie comes back from his sojourn to the colonies - which is fine because it's probably still a bit too fresh in my mind for me to be objective enough for a rewrite just yet. 

I really want to write a Western.  I've wanted to write one for years, for my Dad.  We've always watched Westerns together and he loves stories about cowboys and I thought it would really make him happy if I wrote him a story - but it's taken me forever to get an idea.  Now, I've sort of almost got a plot together, I've got an idea about what I might call my main character, and I've got a basic theme for the story... but that's it, I've not got anything definite, I've not had that light-bulb flash, Eureka style moment to spur me on (no pun intended) to write something that'd make Big Aitch proud.  I know Westerns are probably the most difficult things to write because there are so many rules with a Western, and they require years of detailed research before you even settle down to writing anything in it.  All of those obstacles, coupled with the fact I've grown up in Central Lancashire and as much as I turn into a pile of mush at the very thought of a Southern State accent, I simply don't know if I would ever be fluent enough in the Southern vernacular to make my dialogue convincing.  I don't think I'm cut out to write it - but that's the thing my brain keeps telling me needs to be written.  Even though I still haven't got enough of anything to start writing it yet.

You know what I need?  I need a month or two in Texas.  On an entirely academic, research-driven basis, and not just because I've been desperate to go to Texas since forever.  Certainly not because it's the home of barbecue sauce.  Or because it's filled with the sounds of the most incredible accent ever.  Gosh, no.  Whatever'd give you that idea?!

Basically, all my ideas are just too vague to even think about formulating a sentence with - let alone trying to eke them out into a story/script/whatever.

I'm sorry this has turned into such a big rant.  I know people have real problems out there and that I shouldn't really whinge so much about it - but it's seriously doing my head in.  Perhaps ranting about it will help it shift.  I flippin' hope so. 

Please join me on Friday, when I'll give you a report from Fat Club and take an excited look towards four whole days off work for the Jubilee weekend.  Wasn't it nice of Her Majesty to know that I'd be so depressed about my birthday on Sunday that I wouldn't want to do any work for a couple of days - and subsequently arrange her Jubilee celebrations accordingly?!