It's driving me IN-FLIPPIN'-SANE!!
For anyone who's had any contact with me over the last few weeks and I've seemed a little distracted and non-conversational, or you've wondered where my three hundred word text messages had gone to and why I haven't spoken to anyone unless it's been completely necessary - I CAN'T WRITE!! My brain can't even process enough thought to hold a proper conversation at the moment, let alone actually write anything. This may seem like a really trivial thing to you, and I apologise if you're bored already - especially because I can't even explain why it's so important that I do write. That's not a pretentious, pseudo-artistic 'if you don't write, you wouldn't understand' type excuse, it's true. I can articulate most things, but just not why I need to write.
It isn't that I haven't got any ideas at all. I've got vague thoughts for stories, books, scripts, sketches - you name it - in spades. But I don't have full ideas. I don't have enough of any one idea to be able to write one word. The floodgates of the imagination are simply groaning with the effort of keeping the plethora of sentences that are stored up in my brain - if only I could hold onto ONE sentence long enough for it to blossom into a fully formed idea, rather than simply remaining stagnant as the beginning of a maybe.
ARGH!!! It's the most frustrating thing ever.
Having ideas, being able to write, writing itself is probably one of the most liberating things ever. That really irritating moment (everyone who writes must have gone through this at some stage) of waking up at two o'clock in the morning and HAVING to get all those ideas down before your brain explodes under the weight of them - yes, it's a pain when your body needs sleep but your brain won't stop whirring into overdrive. Still, nothing makes me feel more alive than my fingertips flying across the keyboard, the eyes almost glazed over as the old imagination completely takes over body and soul, and before I know it I've actually created something, a person, a world and an adventure and I look back at it and think, "Woah, when did I write that?!"
When I read it back again in the morning, I might wince and think "Oh dear, when did I write that?!" but the fact is, I wrote something and the idea got out into the open.
It's like part of my brain has totally switched off. This year started out so creatively, I wrote loads in The Phantom Winger, Adam and I wrote Slim Chance (hey, top 10% out of over 800 entrants is no mean feat!), I've written the liner notes for Nathan's album (released officially on 4th June, physical copies are already in circulation and are available at the album launch on 2nd June). But then it's all sort of stopped.
There are things I really want to write, but I can't. I want to write more in The Phantom Winger - Alex's adventure hasn't even begun yet and I'm only about five paragraphs away from breaking the block on it!! I want to rewrite Slim Chance but I know that's pretty much on hold till Mr Leslie comes back from his sojourn to the colonies - which is fine because it's probably still a bit too fresh in my mind for me to be objective enough for a rewrite just yet.
I really want to write a Western. I've wanted to write one for years, for my Dad. We've always watched Westerns together and he loves stories about cowboys and I thought it would really make him happy if I wrote him a story - but it's taken me forever to get an idea. Now, I've sort of almost got a plot together, I've got an idea about what I might call my main character, and I've got a basic theme for the story... but that's it, I've not got anything definite, I've not had that light-bulb flash, Eureka style moment to spur me on (no pun intended) to write something that'd make Big Aitch proud. I know Westerns are probably the most difficult things to write because there are so many rules with a Western, and they require years of detailed research before you even settle down to writing anything in it. All of those obstacles, coupled with the fact I've grown up in Central Lancashire and as much as I turn into a pile of mush at the very thought of a Southern State accent, I simply don't know if I would ever be fluent enough in the Southern vernacular to make my dialogue convincing. I don't think I'm cut out to write it - but that's the thing my brain keeps telling me needs to be written. Even though I still haven't got enough of anything to start writing it yet.
You know what I need? I need a month or two in Texas. On an entirely academic, research-driven basis, and not just because I've been desperate to go to Texas since forever. Certainly not because it's the home of barbecue sauce. Or because it's filled with the sounds of the most incredible accent ever. Gosh, no. Whatever'd give you that idea?!
Basically, all my ideas are just too vague to even think about formulating a sentence with - let alone trying to eke them out into a story/script/whatever.
I'm sorry this has turned into such a big rant. I know people have real problems out there and that I shouldn't really whinge so much about it - but it's seriously doing my head in. Perhaps ranting about it will help it shift. I flippin' hope so.
Please join me on Friday, when I'll give you a report from Fat Club and take an excited look towards four whole days off work for the Jubilee weekend. Wasn't it nice of Her Majesty to know that I'd be so depressed about my birthday on Sunday that I wouldn't want to do any work for a couple of days - and subsequently arrange her Jubilee celebrations accordingly?!
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Friday, 13 April 2012
Slimming World Episode VI: Return of the Sausage
Well, it's been an eventful week and no mistake, hasn't it? Confusion over which day of the week it is since Tuesday, the despair of not getting through to the next stage of the Sitcom competition - fear not, Adam and I are still going to take over the comedy world, we're just debating a different route now, that's all. Then I saw McFly on Wednesday (and yes, before anyone asks, it really is all about Dougie), which was rather amazing - and last night, of course, was the highlight, as I trotted down the hill to the local Church Hall to attend another group meeting at Slimming World.
I have to say I haven't had the best week on the slimming front. Not that I've overeaten. The opposite in fact. I've inadvertently skipped quite a few meals, which I didn't do on purpose, really - and I know it isn't a good thing to do, but sometimes a human just doesn't get time to eat. Not over Easter when they only wake up at half nine in the morning, anyway... Added to that is the fact Mum and Dad are still in France and I've not had use of a car for two weeks, so I've walked everywhere. Remember that week after I'd lost 5lbs and I walked everywhere and had hardly any Syns but I only lost half a pound?? Well, this week I walked even more and ate less of everything, Syns as well as normal food.
So, imagine my surprise when I hopped on the scales and discovered I'd lost 2lbs!!
Came back home and told the llamas about it. Ricardo was very excited - he's a bit blase if I only lose a pound, and quite grumpy if I only lose half a pound - but two pounds is good. It's healthy and encouraging. So, they've got a great dance all lined up for today that you'll love.
Hit it, lads!!!
*sigh* Jitterbugging llamas in sombreros. It never gets old.
Andrea the Consultant was really pleased with me, I've only got a pound and a half to go before I can have my next shiny sticker and certificate. We all know that I'm all about the shiny stickers! Could do with a pretty big loss in the next week or so though, my line graph has set me back to reaching my goal in mid-October again, which is no good. End of September. That's the aim. My dear pal Liz (who is also going to Slimming World on Thursday nights, but she's in London) is renewing her wedding vows on September 29th and we both still have a bit of work to do to get into pretty dresses in time for the big day. But we'll do it - and that's the main thing. I've got five and a half months to lose four and a half stone. It's a big ask but not an impossible one - it still averages out at just over 2 1/2 lbs a week, which we all know is achievable. I'll get there. Eventually. So long as I keep losing it'll be fine. My worry is that reaching the target I've set won't be quite enough and I'll still have another stone to go. But I'll worry about that when I get there. I don't want to be skinny, but at the same time, this is going to be such a big life-changing thing, when I finally get there I don't want to discover I've not quite made it!
Best moment of the night was when I walked into the Church Hall and saw a sign that simply read, "Sausage Man" with an arrow pointing to the left. Mr Syn Free Sausage has returned!!!
Didn't get any (didn't get any Cumberland either - *boom boom*!). Was too busy laughing. Apparently he'll be coming to the group once a month, flaunting his wares and trying to tempt us with his stuffed peppers and meatballs. As it were. He's a champion among slimmers and possibly revered as some sort of deity in certain parts of Oswaldtwistle.
I hope Mr Syn Free Sausage knows how much publicity he's getting on this blog. Everyone in the world - almost - knows about Ye Olde Sausage Shop in Oswaldtwistle Mill!! That's right - Diary of a Fat Girl has sent him global! We should set up some sort of partnership. I can see it now:
Today's Diary of a Fat Girl was brought to you by Mr Syn Free Sausage, the letters M and Q and the number 14 (13's an unlucky number)...
Sigh.
My plans for the weekend are as yet unmade - and I sort of hope they stay that way. Mum and Dad are returning to Blighty on Sunday so it will be lovely to see them again, it's been ages. However, whatever it is that you're up to this weekend, I hope you have a fabulous time - and I'll see you all back here on Monday when I'll be looking forward to the week ahead - and trying to make sense of the next two or three years of my life without my lovely pal Helena... *sniffle*
I have to say I haven't had the best week on the slimming front. Not that I've overeaten. The opposite in fact. I've inadvertently skipped quite a few meals, which I didn't do on purpose, really - and I know it isn't a good thing to do, but sometimes a human just doesn't get time to eat. Not over Easter when they only wake up at half nine in the morning, anyway... Added to that is the fact Mum and Dad are still in France and I've not had use of a car for two weeks, so I've walked everywhere. Remember that week after I'd lost 5lbs and I walked everywhere and had hardly any Syns but I only lost half a pound?? Well, this week I walked even more and ate less of everything, Syns as well as normal food.
So, imagine my surprise when I hopped on the scales and discovered I'd lost 2lbs!!
Came back home and told the llamas about it. Ricardo was very excited - he's a bit blase if I only lose a pound, and quite grumpy if I only lose half a pound - but two pounds is good. It's healthy and encouraging. So, they've got a great dance all lined up for today that you'll love.
Hit it, lads!!!
*sigh* Jitterbugging llamas in sombreros. It never gets old.
Andrea the Consultant was really pleased with me, I've only got a pound and a half to go before I can have my next shiny sticker and certificate. We all know that I'm all about the shiny stickers! Could do with a pretty big loss in the next week or so though, my line graph has set me back to reaching my goal in mid-October again, which is no good. End of September. That's the aim. My dear pal Liz (who is also going to Slimming World on Thursday nights, but she's in London) is renewing her wedding vows on September 29th and we both still have a bit of work to do to get into pretty dresses in time for the big day. But we'll do it - and that's the main thing. I've got five and a half months to lose four and a half stone. It's a big ask but not an impossible one - it still averages out at just over 2 1/2 lbs a week, which we all know is achievable. I'll get there. Eventually. So long as I keep losing it'll be fine. My worry is that reaching the target I've set won't be quite enough and I'll still have another stone to go. But I'll worry about that when I get there. I don't want to be skinny, but at the same time, this is going to be such a big life-changing thing, when I finally get there I don't want to discover I've not quite made it!
Best moment of the night was when I walked into the Church Hall and saw a sign that simply read, "Sausage Man" with an arrow pointing to the left. Mr Syn Free Sausage has returned!!!
Didn't get any (didn't get any Cumberland either - *boom boom*!). Was too busy laughing. Apparently he'll be coming to the group once a month, flaunting his wares and trying to tempt us with his stuffed peppers and meatballs. As it were. He's a champion among slimmers and possibly revered as some sort of deity in certain parts of Oswaldtwistle.
I hope Mr Syn Free Sausage knows how much publicity he's getting on this blog. Everyone in the world - almost - knows about Ye Olde Sausage Shop in Oswaldtwistle Mill!! That's right - Diary of a Fat Girl has sent him global! We should set up some sort of partnership. I can see it now:
Today's Diary of a Fat Girl was brought to you by Mr Syn Free Sausage, the letters M and Q and the number 14 (13's an unlucky number)...
Sigh.
My plans for the weekend are as yet unmade - and I sort of hope they stay that way. Mum and Dad are returning to Blighty on Sunday so it will be lovely to see them again, it's been ages. However, whatever it is that you're up to this weekend, I hope you have a fabulous time - and I'll see you all back here on Monday when I'll be looking forward to the week ahead - and trying to make sense of the next two or three years of my life without my lovely pal Helena... *sniffle*
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Easter Parade
So, the Easter weekend did screw up my opportunities to post any blog entries and as a result I may have wavered somewhat over the weekend in my healthy eating resolve. But never mind. Holidays are always peculiar times for everyone. I mean, how many of you have to keep reminding yourself that it's Tuesday?! Don't lie, now, I've done it about 100 times already this morning!!
On Thursday I went for the weigh in a little earlier than usual. My goal was to reach my Club 10 target by Easter and as I was only 2lbs away from it I thought I might've done it. I was pretty good during the week. I mean, there was Saturday, where I consumed my entire year's worth of calories in liquid form. But I really reined it back in over the rest of the week, even though I didn't do a great deal of exercise, and although I didn't really hold out a great deal of hope, I though that perhaps I might've just done it - or at least just got within a pound or so.
Luckily, I lost 2 1/2lbs. So, my Easter target was met, the llamas fiesta-ed like there was no tomorrow, and the weekend began in a very merry fashion indeed. It was all good in the proverbial hood.
The highlight of the weekend, definitely, was getting my sister to watch films. Normally our flat is a bit of a Sport Only Zone, and although I can put up with sport as much as the next person and I do try and get into it, we did seem to spend the week leading up to The Masters exclusively watching Sky Sports News, which did start to grate a little. So, on Friday, we watched, not one, but THREE films. They included Muppets Treasure Island (it's no Robert Newton version, I grant you - but it does have Kermit the Frog, which the original Disney version definitely couldn't boast), The Cutting Edge (yes, it's a chick flick - but the leading lady was the voice of Nala in The Lion King which instantly makes her okay by me, and it was a sport-based chick flick so it wasn't quite as awful as it could have been) and - and this was quite an achievement, I feel - Thor! I'd re-bought it that morning because I'd loaned it to Rachael a few months ago and was really starting to get terrible withdrawals from it. I mean, you can't go too far wrong with a Kenneth Branagh film. It's like he married superheroes and Shakespeare, two of my favourite things, to make an absolute epic. Loved it. It had action, humour, explosions, scary baddies, brilliant dialogue, Chris Hemsworth, Aled from the Chris Moyles Breakfast Show (in disguise as Loki) and a cameo from my new future ex-husband, Jeremy Renner (the trick with celebrity crushes is to aim ridiculously high but stay realistic!). I mean, what more do you want from a film?!
Jo actually liked it, in the main (she mostly liked the scene where Thor stalked around the kitchen in no shirt and then declared, "This mortal frame requires sustenance! Bring me food!") - but she was a bit peeved that there was no snog at the end between Thor and Natalie Portman. Well. I'm sure there'll be one in Thor 2. MAYBE even one in The Avengers - he has to get back to earth somehow and he might've taken time out to look her up. But there WAS one about 20 minutes from the end, I mean - isn't that enough PDA for one film?! Anyway, she should try being a Spider-Man fan. We had to wait until right at the end of Spidey 2 before Peter and Mary-Jane got together!!
The rest of the weekend was, however, completely taken up with sport. There was a lot of The Masters - and congratulations to Bubba Watson on a well-deserved win. We also watched a bit of rugby and saw Wigan batter St Helens in the Good Friday fixture - but no sporting achievement was as well-received in Wainwright Mansions as Everton walloping Sunderland 4-0 at Goodison yesterday. Fabulous news. Just hope we can keep it up for when we face Liverpool at Wembley on Saturday for the FA Cup Semi-Final. *worries*.
So now, back to work. For as long as that lasts, anyway. I've decided to look for something else. It's been two years now and to be honest I really need to work full-time, which is something I can't do here. It's a lot of upheaval, but with so many other things changing this year, perhaps a new job really is the way forward. Who knows. I mean, obviously, when Adam and I win the BBC sitcom competition, all our worries will be over - but until then I suppose boring secretary jobs will have to do!!
Join me again on Friday, when I'll be able to give you the lowdown on what happens at the weigh-in on Thursday. I need to lose 3 1/2 lbs to get my next half-stone award, which I doubt will happen, but I might at least get halfway there...!!
On Thursday I went for the weigh in a little earlier than usual. My goal was to reach my Club 10 target by Easter and as I was only 2lbs away from it I thought I might've done it. I was pretty good during the week. I mean, there was Saturday, where I consumed my entire year's worth of calories in liquid form. But I really reined it back in over the rest of the week, even though I didn't do a great deal of exercise, and although I didn't really hold out a great deal of hope, I though that perhaps I might've just done it - or at least just got within a pound or so.
Luckily, I lost 2 1/2lbs. So, my Easter target was met, the llamas fiesta-ed like there was no tomorrow, and the weekend began in a very merry fashion indeed. It was all good in the proverbial hood.
The highlight of the weekend, definitely, was getting my sister to watch films. Normally our flat is a bit of a Sport Only Zone, and although I can put up with sport as much as the next person and I do try and get into it, we did seem to spend the week leading up to The Masters exclusively watching Sky Sports News, which did start to grate a little. So, on Friday, we watched, not one, but THREE films. They included Muppets Treasure Island (it's no Robert Newton version, I grant you - but it does have Kermit the Frog, which the original Disney version definitely couldn't boast), The Cutting Edge (yes, it's a chick flick - but the leading lady was the voice of Nala in The Lion King which instantly makes her okay by me, and it was a sport-based chick flick so it wasn't quite as awful as it could have been) and - and this was quite an achievement, I feel - Thor! I'd re-bought it that morning because I'd loaned it to Rachael a few months ago and was really starting to get terrible withdrawals from it. I mean, you can't go too far wrong with a Kenneth Branagh film. It's like he married superheroes and Shakespeare, two of my favourite things, to make an absolute epic. Loved it. It had action, humour, explosions, scary baddies, brilliant dialogue, Chris Hemsworth, Aled from the Chris Moyles Breakfast Show (in disguise as Loki) and a cameo from my new future ex-husband, Jeremy Renner (the trick with celebrity crushes is to aim ridiculously high but stay realistic!). I mean, what more do you want from a film?!
Jo actually liked it, in the main (she mostly liked the scene where Thor stalked around the kitchen in no shirt and then declared, "This mortal frame requires sustenance! Bring me food!") - but she was a bit peeved that there was no snog at the end between Thor and Natalie Portman. Well. I'm sure there'll be one in Thor 2. MAYBE even one in The Avengers - he has to get back to earth somehow and he might've taken time out to look her up. But there WAS one about 20 minutes from the end, I mean - isn't that enough PDA for one film?! Anyway, she should try being a Spider-Man fan. We had to wait until right at the end of Spidey 2 before Peter and Mary-Jane got together!!
The rest of the weekend was, however, completely taken up with sport. There was a lot of The Masters - and congratulations to Bubba Watson on a well-deserved win. We also watched a bit of rugby and saw Wigan batter St Helens in the Good Friday fixture - but no sporting achievement was as well-received in Wainwright Mansions as Everton walloping Sunderland 4-0 at Goodison yesterday. Fabulous news. Just hope we can keep it up for when we face Liverpool at Wembley on Saturday for the FA Cup Semi-Final. *worries*.
So now, back to work. For as long as that lasts, anyway. I've decided to look for something else. It's been two years now and to be honest I really need to work full-time, which is something I can't do here. It's a lot of upheaval, but with so many other things changing this year, perhaps a new job really is the way forward. Who knows. I mean, obviously, when Adam and I win the BBC sitcom competition, all our worries will be over - but until then I suppose boring secretary jobs will have to do!!
Join me again on Friday, when I'll be able to give you the lowdown on what happens at the weigh-in on Thursday. I need to lose 3 1/2 lbs to get my next half-stone award, which I doubt will happen, but I might at least get halfway there...!!
Friday, 16 March 2012
If Llamas had Thumbs...
...They would be held aloft right now, like Sir Paul McCartney in llamaesque form, jubilantly declaring a silent victory in one of the many battles in my war with weight.
Ah, but llamas don't have thumbs. They have hooves. What are hooves for, Ricardo?
"Son para bailar, señora!"
Eh?
"He says, 'They're for dancing, lady!'"
(Thank goodness for my half-English llama, Steve!)
Right!! Hit it!!!
*shakes maracas as if possessed by the spirit of Davy Jones himself*
3 1/2 lbs off!! Who'd've thought? I certainly wouldn't. In fact I told the weigh-in lady that I was convinced I'd put weight on. I explained that it wasn't that I'd been naughty, I'd just not really eaten very much and done practically no exercise. So, when I got on the scales and it said that, we were all shocked - even Andrea the Consultant!
I'm now 3lbs off my 2 stone award and 6lbs off my Club 10 target. I mean, it's going well, isn't it?! It's all happening. The chart thingy on the Slimming World website thinks I'll have achieved my final target by mid-September. I can cope with that. That's only six months away.
I'll be skinny. Well. Thinner. Sooner than I think. I don't know, it still seems impossible. But if I keep doing it then it might just happen. One day. Maybe.
Briefly, in other news - the script is finished and going in the post this afternoon. I'm really proud of it. Don't think I've ever really been proud of anything I've written before, I can always see improvements and things that I should've done better. And I know I wouldn't have got it done - and it definitely wouldn't have been so funny - if it hadn't been for my lovely writing partner. The man is a legend. Wainwright & Leslie. Almost as catchy as Galton & Simpson. Watch out, we'll be taking over television before you know it. I can tell. He'll get his own panel show and I'll just take advantage of the free booze at the awards ceremonies before clumsily trying it on with David Mitchell... High life - we're ready for you!
This weekend will basically consist of doing boring things like packing and cleaning before the sister and I go on our French adventures. I'm very excited about it now. Not only will I get to see my other big sister who I haven't seen in over a year, I'll also get to spend a few brief minutes with my best pal, Nathan, during my fleeting stop in London. Just about time for a hug and a hi - but totally worth it, and hooray for him for making it possible!!
Join me again on Monday for the penultimate English blog entry of the month, when I'll be looking forward to speaking French again - or not, and probably panicking ever so slightly about remembering my passport...
Ah, but llamas don't have thumbs. They have hooves. What are hooves for, Ricardo?
"Son para bailar, señora!"
Eh?
"He says, 'They're for dancing, lady!'"
(Thank goodness for my half-English llama, Steve!)
Right!! Hit it!!!
*shakes maracas as if possessed by the spirit of Davy Jones himself*
3 1/2 lbs off!! Who'd've thought? I certainly wouldn't. In fact I told the weigh-in lady that I was convinced I'd put weight on. I explained that it wasn't that I'd been naughty, I'd just not really eaten very much and done practically no exercise. So, when I got on the scales and it said that, we were all shocked - even Andrea the Consultant!
I'm now 3lbs off my 2 stone award and 6lbs off my Club 10 target. I mean, it's going well, isn't it?! It's all happening. The chart thingy on the Slimming World website thinks I'll have achieved my final target by mid-September. I can cope with that. That's only six months away.
I'll be skinny. Well. Thinner. Sooner than I think. I don't know, it still seems impossible. But if I keep doing it then it might just happen. One day. Maybe.
Briefly, in other news - the script is finished and going in the post this afternoon. I'm really proud of it. Don't think I've ever really been proud of anything I've written before, I can always see improvements and things that I should've done better. And I know I wouldn't have got it done - and it definitely wouldn't have been so funny - if it hadn't been for my lovely writing partner. The man is a legend. Wainwright & Leslie. Almost as catchy as Galton & Simpson. Watch out, we'll be taking over television before you know it. I can tell. He'll get his own panel show and I'll just take advantage of the free booze at the awards ceremonies before clumsily trying it on with David Mitchell... High life - we're ready for you!
This weekend will basically consist of doing boring things like packing and cleaning before the sister and I go on our French adventures. I'm very excited about it now. Not only will I get to see my other big sister who I haven't seen in over a year, I'll also get to spend a few brief minutes with my best pal, Nathan, during my fleeting stop in London. Just about time for a hug and a hi - but totally worth it, and hooray for him for making it possible!!
Join me again on Monday for the penultimate English blog entry of the month, when I'll be looking forward to speaking French again - or not, and probably panicking ever so slightly about remembering my passport...
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
The Last Time
Welcome, one and all, to the final Wednesday blog of the month!!
I'm travelling to France next Wednesday for a family shindig - and yes, it will take all day. We're going by train, so it'll take between ten and eleven hours. Sheesh. The following Wednesday, I will be travelling home. I will probably be able to update the blog while I'm in France, maybe, possibly - but after Monday's blog I can't guarantee much on the updating front until 30 March.
So, as it is the last Wednesday blog of the month, I suppose I'd best find something monumental to tell you.
Erm.
........ Umm.........
... Nah, I got nuthin'.
Good progress has been made on the script. Which is quite fortunate considering that the deadline is a week today. Luckily I have a genius and all-round good egg looking over it and contributing greatly to the content and layout - so I think between us we will make a writing team as strong as Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, or Terry Jones and Michael Palin, or Caroline Quentin and.... that other fella... Don't worry, folks, when we're famous, we'll still remember you. Whoever you are.
I'm feeling much more chipper today - I thought I would do. I think a large part of it is to do with the fact I did manage to complete my first re-write of the script. I think after hearing about Davy Jones, stupid as it sounds, my head was a bit screwed up. Not in an 'I need therapy' type way or anything nearly so drastic, just in a 'Oh. Right. Well. I don't know if I remember how to be funny, now' type way. Just, y'know. Well. It came as a shock to everyone, didn't it? But I did have visions of the deadline passing me by and me just beating myself up endlessly over it. Even though the Beeb are always on the lookout for unsolicited sitcom scripts and I could feasibly have sent it to them any time - I think the Dawn French factor in this particular competition really made me want to make an extra effort. So, even though I know it isn't finished yet, I'm a lot more confident that it will be finished by the deadline and we can still enter the competition together. It feels like an achievement already.
Dieting is still going the same way as before. I haven't done much walking this week, partly because I got a bit put off the idea on Sunday and partly because I'm just shattered this week, it's been ungodly stressful at work and my head's a bit mashed - the last thing I feel like I've got the energy for is a 7a.m. stroll to and from the little Tesco at the bottom of the hill!! I'll work something out, though. I'll get back on it. I don't feel remotely thinner this week and I feel as though I might've put a little weight on but I know why and I'm not too worried. I'm not going to fat club next week so I've got two weeks to sort myself out and hopefully get even closer to my 2 stone certificate and my Club 10 certificate, which are only 3lbs apart. I want it to be Shiny Stickers A Go-Go when I get back into that slimming club!!!
Join me again on Friday, when hopefully the llamas will be out in full force and having a good old boogie in celebration of me losing some sort of weight... but don't hold your breath - I certainly won't be!!
I'm travelling to France next Wednesday for a family shindig - and yes, it will take all day. We're going by train, so it'll take between ten and eleven hours. Sheesh. The following Wednesday, I will be travelling home. I will probably be able to update the blog while I'm in France, maybe, possibly - but after Monday's blog I can't guarantee much on the updating front until 30 March.
So, as it is the last Wednesday blog of the month, I suppose I'd best find something monumental to tell you.
Erm.
........ Umm.........
... Nah, I got nuthin'.
Good progress has been made on the script. Which is quite fortunate considering that the deadline is a week today. Luckily I have a genius and all-round good egg looking over it and contributing greatly to the content and layout - so I think between us we will make a writing team as strong as Spike Milligan and Eric Sykes, or Terry Jones and Michael Palin, or Caroline Quentin and.... that other fella... Don't worry, folks, when we're famous, we'll still remember you. Whoever you are.
I'm feeling much more chipper today - I thought I would do. I think a large part of it is to do with the fact I did manage to complete my first re-write of the script. I think after hearing about Davy Jones, stupid as it sounds, my head was a bit screwed up. Not in an 'I need therapy' type way or anything nearly so drastic, just in a 'Oh. Right. Well. I don't know if I remember how to be funny, now' type way. Just, y'know. Well. It came as a shock to everyone, didn't it? But I did have visions of the deadline passing me by and me just beating myself up endlessly over it. Even though the Beeb are always on the lookout for unsolicited sitcom scripts and I could feasibly have sent it to them any time - I think the Dawn French factor in this particular competition really made me want to make an extra effort. So, even though I know it isn't finished yet, I'm a lot more confident that it will be finished by the deadline and we can still enter the competition together. It feels like an achievement already.
Dieting is still going the same way as before. I haven't done much walking this week, partly because I got a bit put off the idea on Sunday and partly because I'm just shattered this week, it's been ungodly stressful at work and my head's a bit mashed - the last thing I feel like I've got the energy for is a 7a.m. stroll to and from the little Tesco at the bottom of the hill!! I'll work something out, though. I'll get back on it. I don't feel remotely thinner this week and I feel as though I might've put a little weight on but I know why and I'm not too worried. I'm not going to fat club next week so I've got two weeks to sort myself out and hopefully get even closer to my 2 stone certificate and my Club 10 certificate, which are only 3lbs apart. I want it to be Shiny Stickers A Go-Go when I get back into that slimming club!!!
Join me again on Friday, when hopefully the llamas will be out in full force and having a good old boogie in celebration of me losing some sort of weight... but don't hold your breath - I certainly won't be!!
Monday, 27 February 2012
Carry On Conjuring
Happy Monday, everyone!! I know, I know - what's so happy about it?! Well, I must be honest, on this particular Monday, I can't help but agree with you. However, as with so much in life, the best way to get through it is to just fake it till you make it.
Speaking of double entendres, I went to see Pete Firman on Friday! Judging from the overwhelming response from Facebook, nobody has a clue who he is. What on earth have you all been doing on Saturday nights this year?! He's a magician and a stand-up comedian all in the same human. He was on BBC1's The Magicians. What do you mean, you didn't see it?! *facepalm* These were the men who saved people with no social life from having to endure the embarrassment that is Take Me Out on the other side!
Anyway. Mr Firman has just started a nationwide tour of his conjuring, trickery and general tight-suitedness. If he's coming to your town, go and see him. You won't regret it, I promise. You'll embarrass yourself by how impressed you are. Anyone who says they aren't impressed by magic tricks is, frankly, a liar.
As I may have mentioned previously in this blog, I have a theory that magicians are life's real superheroes. I mean, I don't think Pete can websling or has retractable claws of Adamantium or anything like that. Although he would be called The Firmanator if he was a superhero, this is already a given. But magicians can do impossible-looking things that normal human beings can't do. Even if the impossible is just a clever trick that anyone can learn - I never want to be spoiled. I like the idea of the impossible being done before my eyes. I would hate to ever feel as though I was too cool or too clever to believe in magic.
I thought that, being sat on the front row in such a tiny little room, it would be easy to see how the tricks were done or that the whole effect wouldn't be nearly as good as if I'd been a few rows back. But honestly, I was mesmerised for the entire set. His first trick was, he told us, all about the art of penetration. Before anyone gets ahead of themselves - I nearly choked on my wine - he made a handkerchief pass through a microphone stand. He purposely fluffed it and basically just avoided doing it the first couple of times, but when he did it (and luckily he repeated it a couple of times) I honestly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me! It only sounds like a little trick but it's very effective!
The plethora of innuendos and the amazing tricks just kept coming in a sort of a tirade. It was fabulous. After half an hour or so of one trick and innuendo after another, he suddenly stopped and introduced a stand-up comic to the stage named Chris Stokes. Nobody was expecting it but what a lovely surprise! He was hilarious. I had face-ache from laughing so much. I especially loved his story about owning a Thunderbirds lunchbox when he was little and, after being beaten up by some bullies in school, he actually attempted to call International Rescue. I don't think I'd ever been so disappointed when he said that they didn't turn up. That isn't the sort of apathetic, unhelpful attitude I expected from Jeff and the boys, frankly. Perhaps it was Alan's turn on duty as Space Monitor that month?? I'm absolutely convinced that Chris will be *huge*, he's just ungodly funny - and he seems like a really nice chap as well. He's also on tour at the moment, and again, if you get chance to see him, you won't regret it. It was a lovely unexpected treat for us - I'd even go and see him on purpose!!!
After a brief interval, Pete came back. Trick after trick followed, some I remembered from The Magicians, some I didn't - including a trick called The Magic Table. I think the table was actually enchanted. It just floated around the stage with the grace and agility of... well... a floating table.
I think it's only fair at this point that I talk about Andy, the Volunteer from Hell. God love him. He seemed like a nice enough bloke but I think he'd had one or six too many during the interval and was a little wobbly on his feet... It wasn't just a one-trick-and-off thing, either, he was on stage for almost the rest of the night. Bless Pete, the cheery little magical imp, he trooped on with the steely determination of a man whose only priority had turned into making sure that no tricks went wrong. I was just glad he didn't choose me, I'm infinitely more gormless, especially on no booze! The reason for keeping Andy up there for so long was that Pete's first trick involved a £20 note that he'd extracted from Andy's wallet - which he promptly set on fire!! Andy then hung around onstage, assisting on the next five or six tricks while Pete tried to distract him from the fact he'd just set fire to his taxi fare home.
I won't spoil the final trick. It was too special. Everyone went wild with adulation. I will never in a gazillion years figure that out. I have a feeling that even if Pete sat me down and explained how the trick works in minute detail, I still wouldn't get it. It completely blew my mind.
Can't speak highly enough of the show, it was a fabulous night's entertainment. It was funny, it was exciting - it was a bit dramatic - and it was completely magical. I absolutely loved it. Don't think it'll be the last time I go to see him, either.
Although next time, I'll remember to bring my voice and not be so starstruck. It's never ever happened to me before. I mean, seriously. Never. Not even when I met 3/4 of The Monkees. But I actually forgot my name for a moment. How old am I?!! Still, in my desperate attempt to not look like a giant next to him - not that he's unusually diminutive, I just happen to be an inch or so taller than him - I did manage to get a good cuddle for a photo. He's got the comfiest shoulders of any non-drummer I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. True story. Next time I'll speak. Possibly. Anyway, the point is - my tip for not looking like an absolute idiot when meeting anyone famous is definitely not "just silently grab them for a cuddle and then skip off into the night like some sort of planet-shaped fairy".
Nothing else worth mentioning happened at the weekend, although I did watch all three Spider-Man films yesterday, which was lovely. Andrew Garfield has some pretty mighty shoes to fill - for me, Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker/Spider-Man. He played him perfectly - painfully nerdy, constantly at the brink of tears, zero people skills, a 60,000 word vocabulary and a wonderful innocence about him. I think they're going to try and make Peter a bit sexy in this new Spider-Man, and it simply won't work, I tell you!!!
Think I've bored you all enough, now. Join me on Wednesday, I'll give you a brief update on how the weight-loss is going and have a look forward to my eighth weigh-in!! Hope the llamas have recovered from last Friday's blog...!!
Speaking of double entendres, I went to see Pete Firman on Friday! Judging from the overwhelming response from Facebook, nobody has a clue who he is. What on earth have you all been doing on Saturday nights this year?! He's a magician and a stand-up comedian all in the same human. He was on BBC1's The Magicians. What do you mean, you didn't see it?! *facepalm* These were the men who saved people with no social life from having to endure the embarrassment that is Take Me Out on the other side!
Anyway. Mr Firman has just started a nationwide tour of his conjuring, trickery and general tight-suitedness. If he's coming to your town, go and see him. You won't regret it, I promise. You'll embarrass yourself by how impressed you are. Anyone who says they aren't impressed by magic tricks is, frankly, a liar.
As I may have mentioned previously in this blog, I have a theory that magicians are life's real superheroes. I mean, I don't think Pete can websling or has retractable claws of Adamantium or anything like that. Although he would be called The Firmanator if he was a superhero, this is already a given. But magicians can do impossible-looking things that normal human beings can't do. Even if the impossible is just a clever trick that anyone can learn - I never want to be spoiled. I like the idea of the impossible being done before my eyes. I would hate to ever feel as though I was too cool or too clever to believe in magic.
I thought that, being sat on the front row in such a tiny little room, it would be easy to see how the tricks were done or that the whole effect wouldn't be nearly as good as if I'd been a few rows back. But honestly, I was mesmerised for the entire set. His first trick was, he told us, all about the art of penetration. Before anyone gets ahead of themselves - I nearly choked on my wine - he made a handkerchief pass through a microphone stand. He purposely fluffed it and basically just avoided doing it the first couple of times, but when he did it (and luckily he repeated it a couple of times) I honestly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me! It only sounds like a little trick but it's very effective!
The plethora of innuendos and the amazing tricks just kept coming in a sort of a tirade. It was fabulous. After half an hour or so of one trick and innuendo after another, he suddenly stopped and introduced a stand-up comic to the stage named Chris Stokes. Nobody was expecting it but what a lovely surprise! He was hilarious. I had face-ache from laughing so much. I especially loved his story about owning a Thunderbirds lunchbox when he was little and, after being beaten up by some bullies in school, he actually attempted to call International Rescue. I don't think I'd ever been so disappointed when he said that they didn't turn up. That isn't the sort of apathetic, unhelpful attitude I expected from Jeff and the boys, frankly. Perhaps it was Alan's turn on duty as Space Monitor that month?? I'm absolutely convinced that Chris will be *huge*, he's just ungodly funny - and he seems like a really nice chap as well. He's also on tour at the moment, and again, if you get chance to see him, you won't regret it. It was a lovely unexpected treat for us - I'd even go and see him on purpose!!!
After a brief interval, Pete came back. Trick after trick followed, some I remembered from The Magicians, some I didn't - including a trick called The Magic Table. I think the table was actually enchanted. It just floated around the stage with the grace and agility of... well... a floating table.
I think it's only fair at this point that I talk about Andy, the Volunteer from Hell. God love him. He seemed like a nice enough bloke but I think he'd had one or six too many during the interval and was a little wobbly on his feet... It wasn't just a one-trick-and-off thing, either, he was on stage for almost the rest of the night. Bless Pete, the cheery little magical imp, he trooped on with the steely determination of a man whose only priority had turned into making sure that no tricks went wrong. I was just glad he didn't choose me, I'm infinitely more gormless, especially on no booze! The reason for keeping Andy up there for so long was that Pete's first trick involved a £20 note that he'd extracted from Andy's wallet - which he promptly set on fire!! Andy then hung around onstage, assisting on the next five or six tricks while Pete tried to distract him from the fact he'd just set fire to his taxi fare home.
I won't spoil the final trick. It was too special. Everyone went wild with adulation. I will never in a gazillion years figure that out. I have a feeling that even if Pete sat me down and explained how the trick works in minute detail, I still wouldn't get it. It completely blew my mind.
Can't speak highly enough of the show, it was a fabulous night's entertainment. It was funny, it was exciting - it was a bit dramatic - and it was completely magical. I absolutely loved it. Don't think it'll be the last time I go to see him, either.
Although next time, I'll remember to bring my voice and not be so starstruck. It's never ever happened to me before. I mean, seriously. Never. Not even when I met 3/4 of The Monkees. But I actually forgot my name for a moment. How old am I?!! Still, in my desperate attempt to not look like a giant next to him - not that he's unusually diminutive, I just happen to be an inch or so taller than him - I did manage to get a good cuddle for a photo. He's got the comfiest shoulders of any non-drummer I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. True story. Next time I'll speak. Possibly. Anyway, the point is - my tip for not looking like an absolute idiot when meeting anyone famous is definitely not "just silently grab them for a cuddle and then skip off into the night like some sort of planet-shaped fairy".
Nothing else worth mentioning happened at the weekend, although I did watch all three Spider-Man films yesterday, which was lovely. Andrew Garfield has some pretty mighty shoes to fill - for me, Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker/Spider-Man. He played him perfectly - painfully nerdy, constantly at the brink of tears, zero people skills, a 60,000 word vocabulary and a wonderful innocence about him. I think they're going to try and make Peter a bit sexy in this new Spider-Man, and it simply won't work, I tell you!!!
Think I've bored you all enough, now. Join me on Wednesday, I'll give you a brief update on how the weight-loss is going and have a look forward to my eighth weigh-in!! Hope the llamas have recovered from last Friday's blog...!!
Friday, 24 February 2012
They've Got the Hooves Like Jagger
(Title courtesy of JR Wainwright. Not to be confused with JR Hartley, the fella who wrote the book on fly fishing)
I think you know who have the hooves like Jagger. Hit it, llamas!!!
*shimmys around the room in a frenzy*
NB: Just to confirm, the llamas are only dancing. I don't want anyone to think that they've been goosestepping onstage in Munich like Jagger did in the early 60s. They're sensitive souls, my llamas, they're not a controversial breed of llama. They're all about celebratory dancing when someone loses weight. And Ricardo, my lead dancing llama, has just invested in some gold lamé leg warmers... so that might give you some sort of idea about the kind of llamas I have on my team.
I know, I know what you're saying. This kind of celebratory fiesta is a little excessive for a person who has only lost 2lbs. It's not as if I've lost 14 stone in one day (© Peter Kay). Although that'd be very helpful. Well, in the words of Jimmy Cricket, "There's more, there's more!"
I was quite pleased with myself, as you can imagine, after drinking like Oliver Reed at a lock-in on Saturday night, and also after my scary dream on Tuesday. But I was sat there, quietly minding my own business, texting everyone frantically in a "Look at me being skinny!" fashion, while everyone around me chattered among themselves. The meeting started a bit late, and Andrea the Consultant said that there were a few certificates to hand out that week, so she decided to start with the Slimmer of the Month award.
"The Slimmer of the Month lost 9 1/2 lbs this month!" she declared.
'Cor blimey, that's a lot! I wonder how much I've lost this month?' I thought, tilting my head and looking a bit gormless as I attempted to add 1 1/2 and 1 together.
"It's Heather!" she finished.
You can imagine my shock, I'm quite sure. I mean. I've been whinging about not losing enough, about not losing fast enough and generally about the fact that it's now been seven weeks and I'm not yet slim enough to be Catherine Zeta Jones' body double. And yet, there I was, trudging along at a slow and steady 'losing between one and two pounds a week' manner - and it's little ol' me that gets Slimmer of the Month! *excited jig*
I think you know who have the hooves like Jagger. Hit it, llamas!!!
*shimmys around the room in a frenzy*
NB: Just to confirm, the llamas are only dancing. I don't want anyone to think that they've been goosestepping onstage in Munich like Jagger did in the early 60s. They're sensitive souls, my llamas, they're not a controversial breed of llama. They're all about celebratory dancing when someone loses weight. And Ricardo, my lead dancing llama, has just invested in some gold lamé leg warmers... so that might give you some sort of idea about the kind of llamas I have on my team.
I know, I know what you're saying. This kind of celebratory fiesta is a little excessive for a person who has only lost 2lbs. It's not as if I've lost 14 stone in one day (© Peter Kay). Although that'd be very helpful. Well, in the words of Jimmy Cricket, "There's more, there's more!"
I was quite pleased with myself, as you can imagine, after drinking like Oliver Reed at a lock-in on Saturday night, and also after my scary dream on Tuesday. But I was sat there, quietly minding my own business, texting everyone frantically in a "Look at me being skinny!" fashion, while everyone around me chattered among themselves. The meeting started a bit late, and Andrea the Consultant said that there were a few certificates to hand out that week, so she decided to start with the Slimmer of the Month award.
"The Slimmer of the Month lost 9 1/2 lbs this month!" she declared.
'Cor blimey, that's a lot! I wonder how much I've lost this month?' I thought, tilting my head and looking a bit gormless as I attempted to add 1 1/2 and 1 together.
"It's Heather!" she finished.
You can imagine my shock, I'm quite sure. I mean. I've been whinging about not losing enough, about not losing fast enough and generally about the fact that it's now been seven weeks and I'm not yet slim enough to be Catherine Zeta Jones' body double. And yet, there I was, trudging along at a slow and steady 'losing between one and two pounds a week' manner - and it's little ol' me that gets Slimmer of the Month! *excited jig*
¯Nice and easy does it - ev'ry tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmme!!!¯
Even more excitingly, the timeline thing on my weight-loss planner has changed dramatically. I am now looking to achieve my target by the end of October. But I'll certainly be well on the way by the beginning of August. I did say last week or the week before that I knew August would be a bit of a big ask, so having October to aim for is a lot less disheartening than the middle of April next year!
So, everything seems good again. I'm really happy with yesterday. I know losing 2lbs a week is never likely to break any records, but if it gets me to where I want to be, I'm delighted with that. From now on I will adopt the mindset of Auntie Heath (the Diet Lama menioned a few weeks ago - still not to be confused with either the Dalai Lama or, indeed, my dancing llamas) and think that *any* loss is a great result.
Remind me of that on weeks where I've been really good and only lost half a pound...!!
So. Tonight, Rachael and I are going to see Pete Firman at King George's Hall in Blackburn. Blackburn is probably not the most glamorous of places, but tonight it will be filled with magic - and comedy, as the man who has been dubbed 'the poster boy for magic comedy in the UK' comes to town!! So excited. I mean. I don't think I could be more excited if I tried. It'll be a great night - I just hope that he doesn't look our way when he decides he needs a volunteer for a trick, I would literally die of shame... and then send Rachael...!!
I hope you all have a really exciting weekend jam-packed with frivolity. Join me again on Monday for a full round-up of tonight's frivolities and a look to another exciting week ahead!!
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Caught in the Middle
Getting my 90s boyband on, there...
Caught in the middle? Yep - the middle of the week, of course!! May I take this opportunity to wish one and all a very happy Wednesday. Only 48 hours to go until the joyous occasion I like to call Firman Friday, so it's all good news. I'm very much looking forward to the end of the week.
I had an anxiety dream the night before last that I'd put on 2 1/2 lbs at Fat Club and they kicked me out for not being committed enough. I don't think that'll happen this week, though. If anything, I actually feel a little bit thinner - which is always a good sign. Perhaps I've lost a couple of lbs this week. I hope so, anyway. I've been so good since Saturday. And I've exercised more. That's got to be worth something at least, right?! And I've changed my breakfasting habits. I've discovered Ready Brek. Oooh!! It's like getting a little cuddle on the inside every morning!! I love it. Good job too, really - two boiled eggs and two pieces of fruit every morning was getting way too expensive, and I refuse to buy eggs from caged hens - it's pointless on all levels. Firstly, the poor hens have traumatic and miserable lives and the people who organise, run and condone the treatment of hens kept in such conditions should be forced to live in similar ones themselves, see how they like it. Secondly, because the poor hens have such horrible lives, the resulting eggs are horrible and tasteless.
I like to think of myself as a rather conscientious omnivore. It's all about fighting the small battles!!
I've made a start on Episode 2 of Diary of a Fat Girl: The Sitcom (which is now henceforth to be known as Slim Chance. I did think about naming all of the episodes after lyrics/titles from Slim Chance songs but there are probably way too many copyright issues with that!!). I'm quite happy with it so far. I decided it'd be a good slant to have the slimming consultant be male, mostly because there seemed to be far too many women in it. So I named him Simon, which seems a bit of an odd choice. I don't think I know anyone called Simon - and if I do, they're obviously so boring I can't remember them. However, he has quickly evolved into being an absolute tyrant. If ever this show gets picked up by anyone, I would like to categorically state that slimming consultants are not all quite so mean! I mean, I don't think anyone would get away with telling someone to not worry about taking a seat because they've been reinforced in real life!!
The competition closes in just under a month. I really need to get my re-writing head on and come up with plans for the next four episodes. And compose my covering letter. And write a synopsis. Gah. So much to do!! My poor brain!!
Join me on Friday, when I'll be able to give you a full update on all the gossip from tomorrow's adventures at Fat Club and, I will warn you in advance, look forward with a certain degree of teenybopperish hysteria to an evening with Pete Firman in Blackburn!!
Caught in the middle? Yep - the middle of the week, of course!! May I take this opportunity to wish one and all a very happy Wednesday. Only 48 hours to go until the joyous occasion I like to call Firman Friday, so it's all good news. I'm very much looking forward to the end of the week.
I had an anxiety dream the night before last that I'd put on 2 1/2 lbs at Fat Club and they kicked me out for not being committed enough. I don't think that'll happen this week, though. If anything, I actually feel a little bit thinner - which is always a good sign. Perhaps I've lost a couple of lbs this week. I hope so, anyway. I've been so good since Saturday. And I've exercised more. That's got to be worth something at least, right?! And I've changed my breakfasting habits. I've discovered Ready Brek. Oooh!! It's like getting a little cuddle on the inside every morning!! I love it. Good job too, really - two boiled eggs and two pieces of fruit every morning was getting way too expensive, and I refuse to buy eggs from caged hens - it's pointless on all levels. Firstly, the poor hens have traumatic and miserable lives and the people who organise, run and condone the treatment of hens kept in such conditions should be forced to live in similar ones themselves, see how they like it. Secondly, because the poor hens have such horrible lives, the resulting eggs are horrible and tasteless.
I like to think of myself as a rather conscientious omnivore. It's all about fighting the small battles!!
I've made a start on Episode 2 of Diary of a Fat Girl: The Sitcom (which is now henceforth to be known as Slim Chance. I did think about naming all of the episodes after lyrics/titles from Slim Chance songs but there are probably way too many copyright issues with that!!). I'm quite happy with it so far. I decided it'd be a good slant to have the slimming consultant be male, mostly because there seemed to be far too many women in it. So I named him Simon, which seems a bit of an odd choice. I don't think I know anyone called Simon - and if I do, they're obviously so boring I can't remember them. However, he has quickly evolved into being an absolute tyrant. If ever this show gets picked up by anyone, I would like to categorically state that slimming consultants are not all quite so mean! I mean, I don't think anyone would get away with telling someone to not worry about taking a seat because they've been reinforced in real life!!
The competition closes in just under a month. I really need to get my re-writing head on and come up with plans for the next four episodes. And compose my covering letter. And write a synopsis. Gah. So much to do!! My poor brain!!
Join me on Friday, when I'll be able to give you a full update on all the gossip from tomorrow's adventures at Fat Club and, I will warn you in advance, look forward with a certain degree of teenybopperish hysteria to an evening with Pete Firman in Blackburn!!
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Mama, do the Hump
Yes - THAT Hump! It's the Midweek Hump known as Wednesday, everyone! Happy Hump Day to you all!!
As it were.
So, The Phantom Winger is officially on hold while I await one of three things:
I've really given it quite a bit of thought. But I'm still not sure. I think it might work. But I seriously don't know. Part of me really wants to keep this blog as a distraction rather than my work - I don't want to make it too complicated. But then maybe if it comes naturally it might work better. Who knows.
So, enough of all that writing business. I appreciate that it's not a very interesting thing to talk about, it's just me doing a bit of stream-of-conscious, thinking-out-loud (or at least thinking on screen) type exercise.
As I'm sure all of you will be delighted to know, I am more or less completely cured of my cold. I can breathe and everything. This is great news.
I've also been keeping on the straightest and narrowest of paths this week. I've decided to cut my Syns down slightly from between 10-12 to between 7-10 for the next couple of weeks. I will lose that 2 1/2 lbs this week. I will. I may have already lost it, who knows. I'm not feeling drastically thinner but I am feeling ever so slightly smaller all the time. The strange thing that I'm noticing is that it's not taking nearly so much food to fill me up. I mean - I don't go back for seconds after tea. There generally isn't anything else to have, like, but I'm full. I think I'm starting to learn that not feeling painfully full doesn't necessarily mean that you've not eaten enough. I have breakfast, lunch and tea every day and I can honestly say that since my first loss, I've not had a snack between meals. I've never even felt particularly supper-ish when I'm watching Marvel cartoons at half eleven after Jo's gone to bed. It's all progress.
I can't wait for the day I can see my cheekbones again. I used to have them, y'know. Years ago. Back when I was thinner and certain people thought I looked like a young Nerys Hughes. It'll happen. Soon. Ish. Certainly by August. By my weigh in on 1st March I hope to have lost another half stone (after my 2 1/2 lb loss tomorrow, of course). Which is only slightly over 2lbs a week. So it's do-able.
Join me again on Friday when I will give you the full low-down from Fat Club. I really hope those llamas will be up and dancing again - I'll be dusting off their sombreros just in case!!
As it were.
So, The Phantom Winger is officially on hold while I await one of three things:
- A great start to Chapter Three hits me
- I stop panicking at the fact I haven't written anything in over two weeks
- I wrestle with the logistics of attempting to turn Diary of a Fat Girl into a sitcom.
I've really given it quite a bit of thought. But I'm still not sure. I think it might work. But I seriously don't know. Part of me really wants to keep this blog as a distraction rather than my work - I don't want to make it too complicated. But then maybe if it comes naturally it might work better. Who knows.
So, enough of all that writing business. I appreciate that it's not a very interesting thing to talk about, it's just me doing a bit of stream-of-conscious, thinking-out-loud (or at least thinking on screen) type exercise.
As I'm sure all of you will be delighted to know, I am more or less completely cured of my cold. I can breathe and everything. This is great news.
I've also been keeping on the straightest and narrowest of paths this week. I've decided to cut my Syns down slightly from between 10-12 to between 7-10 for the next couple of weeks. I will lose that 2 1/2 lbs this week. I will. I may have already lost it, who knows. I'm not feeling drastically thinner but I am feeling ever so slightly smaller all the time. The strange thing that I'm noticing is that it's not taking nearly so much food to fill me up. I mean - I don't go back for seconds after tea. There generally isn't anything else to have, like, but I'm full. I think I'm starting to learn that not feeling painfully full doesn't necessarily mean that you've not eaten enough. I have breakfast, lunch and tea every day and I can honestly say that since my first loss, I've not had a snack between meals. I've never even felt particularly supper-ish when I'm watching Marvel cartoons at half eleven after Jo's gone to bed. It's all progress.
I can't wait for the day I can see my cheekbones again. I used to have them, y'know. Years ago. Back when I was thinner and certain people thought I looked like a young Nerys Hughes. It'll happen. Soon. Ish. Certainly by August. By my weigh in on 1st March I hope to have lost another half stone (after my 2 1/2 lb loss tomorrow, of course). Which is only slightly over 2lbs a week. So it's do-able.
Join me again on Friday when I will give you the full low-down from Fat Club. I really hope those llamas will be up and dancing again - I'll be dusting off their sombreros just in case!!
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Make 'Em Laugh
So anyway, guess what I found out today? I'm not Synning as much as I thought I was!! Apparently, a 70ml double measure of [insert favourite spirit here] [snigger at use of the word 'insert'] [and again!] is 8 Syns. Whereas I have unwittingly only been having 45ml and thinking *that* was a double!! This is glorious news. I can either have *more* Bacardi and Coke Zero before bed, or I can have more of other things instead!! Fabulous. As soon as I work out Syns properly, I think I'm really going to start having a damn good time on this new way of eating.
Anyway, enough of all that. I'm taking a break from the endless piles of pasta, rice, vegetables, lean meat and fish to get back into the real world. Well, of course, not the real world - my real imaginary world of The Phantom Winger.
Allow me to bore you senseless as I discuss the idea of planning a story - and how I have discovered that you can plan as much as you chuffing well like; but when it comes to actually writing the damn thing, you will invariably write the exact opposite.
I had intended to try and make it an action/drama piece with a flavour of comedy but it turns out that I'm writing more of a comedy piece with a flavour of action/drama. I personally have no qualms with this - although I totally realise that by doing so I have made the job infinitely more difficult. Let me explain.
Although, by and large, the inhabitants of the Earth are always quite ready for a good laugh - if you analyse it, people do seem to be a bit scared of comedy. This is because comedy is actually blasted difficult to write. Everyone thinks it's dead easy to make people laugh, but it really isn't. It isn't just about the right situation, it's about choosing the right combination of the right words in the right situation. You either get it spot on, or you fail. There's no in-between level of mild amusement, or any "that was very nearly funny - okay, we'll give you a chance" attitude. If it isn't funny, then it has failed completely and nobody is interested. That's why comedy writers are usually so self-deprecating, paranoid and prone to huge bouts of depression. Being funny is truly no laughing matter.
Basically - we can't all be geniuseseses like Charlie Chaplin, who maintained that all he needed for a good comedy was "a park, a policeman and a pretty girl." I mean, it helps if you're naturally a funny person, but if you make people laugh without really thinking about it and then suddenly find yourself sat in front of a computer screen with the basic premise of 'Write Something Funny', then it's a completely different kettle of fish altogether.
Which brings me nicely back to the story and a request for a bit of feedback if you don't mind. I was all set to have a great boy/girl partnership of Alex Charnley, the cheeky Northern chappie, and Natasha Petrovna, the deadly teenage Russian spy. It would totally have worked. But then DC Jon Bailey (aka Tiny) came along and basically just wrote himself - and, oh, EVERYONE loves a bromance!! Look at the great bromances through the ages. Illya Kuryakin and Napoleon Solo, Jeff Randall and Marty Hopkirk, Jack Regan and George Carter, Tony DiNozzo and Timothy McGee, Morse and Lewis (the lovely John Thaw has had quite a few bromances in his time, hasn't he?!), Ant and Dec, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, Chandler and Joey, Barnaby and Troy, Batman and Robin, Richard Barrett and Craig Stirling - although, there again, they did have Sharron Macready to balance their bromance out... That's a good point. Also, look at John Steed and Emma Peel/Cathy Gale/Tara King. The boy/girl partnership could work, quite feasibly. I suppose it has more to do with the way you write the woman rather than the existing bromance betwen the men.
Natasha could still work her way in. My plans don't necessarily have to change. However, if I do stick to my original plan and bring her in, do you think that will bring in too many main characters? We were introduced to two in the Prologue and then another two main characters and three minor characters in Chapter One. Chapter Two will finish with the introduction of the Russian contingent of characters, which will be expanded on in Chapter three - and Natasha won't appear until Chapter Four. By that time, do you think that all possible relationships will be too firmly established and there just won't be any room for her? It's a very real problem. The story would probably work without her and stand up as a comedy/action book - but the story with her might just be enough to add a darker edge to the story.
Seriously, if you've got any thoughts on this at all, I'd love to hear them, as I'm in something of a quandry about it.
Tomorrow sees my second weigh-in at Slimming World. With all the fruit and veg I'm ploughing through, not to mention the crisps (after this Christmas I am still of the view that if I never eat another crisp again it will be too soon!), chocolate (I don't quite have the same feeling towards chocolate that I do towards crisps, I must admit) and alcohol (I will never view that in the same way as the crisp) I've cut down on, I'm hoping for at least some weight loss this week. I shall make a full report on Friday. If I've put any weight on this week it will be a very sad and depressing blog - but expect dancing llamas in sombreros singing La Cucarace if I've lost any weight at all...!
Anyway, enough of all that. I'm taking a break from the endless piles of pasta, rice, vegetables, lean meat and fish to get back into the real world. Well, of course, not the real world - my real imaginary world of The Phantom Winger.
Allow me to bore you senseless as I discuss the idea of planning a story - and how I have discovered that you can plan as much as you chuffing well like; but when it comes to actually writing the damn thing, you will invariably write the exact opposite.
I had intended to try and make it an action/drama piece with a flavour of comedy but it turns out that I'm writing more of a comedy piece with a flavour of action/drama. I personally have no qualms with this - although I totally realise that by doing so I have made the job infinitely more difficult. Let me explain.
Although, by and large, the inhabitants of the Earth are always quite ready for a good laugh - if you analyse it, people do seem to be a bit scared of comedy. This is because comedy is actually blasted difficult to write. Everyone thinks it's dead easy to make people laugh, but it really isn't. It isn't just about the right situation, it's about choosing the right combination of the right words in the right situation. You either get it spot on, or you fail. There's no in-between level of mild amusement, or any "that was very nearly funny - okay, we'll give you a chance" attitude. If it isn't funny, then it has failed completely and nobody is interested. That's why comedy writers are usually so self-deprecating, paranoid and prone to huge bouts of depression. Being funny is truly no laughing matter.
Basically - we can't all be geniuseseses like Charlie Chaplin, who maintained that all he needed for a good comedy was "a park, a policeman and a pretty girl." I mean, it helps if you're naturally a funny person, but if you make people laugh without really thinking about it and then suddenly find yourself sat in front of a computer screen with the basic premise of 'Write Something Funny', then it's a completely different kettle of fish altogether.
Which brings me nicely back to the story and a request for a bit of feedback if you don't mind. I was all set to have a great boy/girl partnership of Alex Charnley, the cheeky Northern chappie, and Natasha Petrovna, the deadly teenage Russian spy. It would totally have worked. But then DC Jon Bailey (aka Tiny) came along and basically just wrote himself - and, oh, EVERYONE loves a bromance!! Look at the great bromances through the ages. Illya Kuryakin and Napoleon Solo, Jeff Randall and Marty Hopkirk, Jack Regan and George Carter, Tony DiNozzo and Timothy McGee, Morse and Lewis (the lovely John Thaw has had quite a few bromances in his time, hasn't he?!), Ant and Dec, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, Chandler and Joey, Barnaby and Troy, Batman and Robin, Richard Barrett and Craig Stirling - although, there again, they did have Sharron Macready to balance their bromance out... That's a good point. Also, look at John Steed and Emma Peel/Cathy Gale/Tara King. The boy/girl partnership could work, quite feasibly. I suppose it has more to do with the way you write the woman rather than the existing bromance betwen the men.
Natasha could still work her way in. My plans don't necessarily have to change. However, if I do stick to my original plan and bring her in, do you think that will bring in too many main characters? We were introduced to two in the Prologue and then another two main characters and three minor characters in Chapter One. Chapter Two will finish with the introduction of the Russian contingent of characters, which will be expanded on in Chapter three - and Natasha won't appear until Chapter Four. By that time, do you think that all possible relationships will be too firmly established and there just won't be any room for her? It's a very real problem. The story would probably work without her and stand up as a comedy/action book - but the story with her might just be enough to add a darker edge to the story.
Seriously, if you've got any thoughts on this at all, I'd love to hear them, as I'm in something of a quandry about it.
Tomorrow sees my second weigh-in at Slimming World. With all the fruit and veg I'm ploughing through, not to mention the crisps (after this Christmas I am still of the view that if I never eat another crisp again it will be too soon!), chocolate (I don't quite have the same feeling towards chocolate that I do towards crisps, I must admit) and alcohol (I will never view that in the same way as the crisp) I've cut down on, I'm hoping for at least some weight loss this week. I shall make a full report on Friday. If I've put any weight on this week it will be a very sad and depressing blog - but expect dancing llamas in sombreros singing La Cucarace if I've lost any weight at all...!
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