... Oh.

Yesterday was okay.  The test itself wasn't remotely difficult, all I had to do was just lie down and have flashing lights in my eyes for fifteen minutes and then breathe like Darth Vader during hayfever season for three minutes and then they let me have a kip.  Staying awake for twenty-four hours prior to that, however, was pretty tough going.  Between half past two and half past three I felt ridiculously hyper, between four and six I thought I was going crazy and felt like my eyeballs were going to fall out of their sockets. The worst part was the car journey to the hospital, I couldn't keep my eyes open!!  I must've looked dreadful.  I certainly felt like I'd died three weeks earlier and my body was just in the process of catching up with me...

When it finally came to the time the nurse let me sleep, and how I managed to stay awake through the rest of the test is still beyond me, as luck would have it - no sooner did I close my eyes than the workmen outside thought it'd be a great idea to start drilling the pavement.  Not even a euphemism.  Still, after approximately 28 hours, even if they'd started drilling in the exam room I wouldn't have noticed, I was out like a light for fifteen glorious minutes. Sigh.  It was great.

Anyway, that's all over now and hopefully I won't have to do it again.

But today was my second weigh-in after a week of generally being good and refusing yummy stuff and being completely sober, I hopped back on the scales, waiting to see how I'd done.  The llamas got their new leg-warmers on especially for the occasion, ready at any moment to put on the fiesta of all fiestas.  I crossed my fingers, I thought thin thoughts, I said the magic words "Please don't let me put any weight on...!" and then looked at the number on the scales...

It was exactly the same.  Exactly.  To the ounce.  Absolutely nothing had altered.

Positives:  Hey, at least I didn't put any on!
Negatives:  WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!  What is the point in life?!!?  Nothing is worth anything!!  I AM POINTLESS!!!  I should just die now and save the NHS time and expense on treating any future weight-related health issues!!!!  *sob*

After having a mini-breakdown and writing seven different versions of a suicide note, I told my Mum when she came to visit.  She said she'd been weighed the previous day and hopped on the scales to see what it said about her.  If they're to be believed she put half a stone on in less than 24 hours...  Then she said that the scales were actually third-hand and not very good.  

So.... erm...  Well, the llamas haven't done a fiesta today because we're all scratching our heads in confusion.

I'm changing the scales and getting weighed again tomorrow so I can start all over again.  So the llamas will have an extra week to work on their routine.  It will be spectacular.  Or at least it should be.  

Flippin' scales.  They do have a habit of spoiling people's day.  But they won't do next week!!!

Nessun Dorma

(blog post title courtesy of my lovely big sister, Joanna)

Today I have to stay awake for 24 hours.  I have an appointment at the Walton Centre in Liverpool tomorrow for a sleep-deprived EEG (for those of you unfamiliar with the procedure, it's a test to record the electrical impulses in the brain), for reasons unknown to me.  I had a non-sleep-deprived EEG a few weeks ago which came back normal and I had a CT scan of my brain which also came back normal, so why they need another test is beyond me.  

Still, at least now I can officially say, in the style of the well-known genius, Dr Sheldon Lee Cooper - "I'm not crazy - my mother had me tested!"  Or at least there's definitely nothing physiologically wrong with my brain - and contrary to the scurrilous rumours, I do actually have a brain rolling around in the vast expanse of my cranium.  Which is useful.

Despite the fact I suffer rather frequently with bouts of insomnia, I am finding today something of a struggle.  All I've wanted to do since 8a.m. has been to have a nap.  I think it's mostly a sort of psychological thing (that and the fact that I've barely slept for the past two weeks due to aforementioned insomnia).  I know I'm not allowed to sleep so I'm desperate to sleep.  Still.  I have a few films I'm planning on watching tonight, and I've bought some nice coffee that I'm saving for later so I can feel like I'm being dead naughty having caffeine at midnight.  Not really got anything for a midnight feast, but at least I can bask in the joy of knowing that later this year I will be skinnier.  

At a slight tangent:  Is it wrong that my main ambition is to order a gigantic pizza at midnight and sit eating it in my size 12/14 pyjamas while feeling absolutely no trace of guilt whatsoever?  I've never even done that at the size I'm at now, I don't know why I want to do it when I'm skinny!  Everyone else might be in this weight loss thing for the health benefits.  I just want to be thin enough to eat crap and not beat myself up over it!!

Speaking of weight loss, I have discovered something absolutely amazing about the fact I'm having a second go at it.  If you go back to my earlier blog entries, say from January probably through to about March 2012, I really struggled at the beginning to figure out how to function on a healthy eating regime, and how not to panic if I get hungry, or wonder what the hell I can eat when there's only stuff for a sandwich in the house, or all those horrible niggly "can't I just give in and eat my body weight in fry-ups?!?" type dilemmas.  This time, I've settled back into the routine pretty much straight away.  I've got my dieting head back on and if anything it's more of a relief than a constant series of mind-battles, knowing exactly what I need to do to get myself back on track.  It feels far less of a diet and far more of a "right, this is just what I'm doing from now on" type lifestyle change.  And to be honest, although the changes I've had to make have been pretty drastic, they've really not been anywhere near the kind of struggle they were when I went through this the first time.  So I'm feeling really encouraged by that.  I'm not sure if I've actually lost any weight yet, I won't get weighed until Wednesday morning, but I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing, so hopefully the results will follow.  I feel a lot more chilled about the whole thing, which can only be a good thing when it comes to actually keeping going on this whole weight-loss regime.

In other news, I have got my Llama-Keeping Licence back and the boys are due home tomorrow.  I can't wait to see them, it's been ages and I'm sure we've all got lots of catching up to do.  I have some tequila on hand for them - Ricardo says it helps him remember his stories better.  They're going to work through the inevitable jet lag to prepare for Wednesday's fiesta just in case I lose weight this week - and they've even incorporated a few moves into their dance routine that I can join in with, which will be very exciting!

Remind me to pick up some red sparkle leg-warmers on my way home from the hospital tomorrow...