Slimming World Episode VI: Return of the Sausage

Well, it's been an eventful week and no mistake, hasn't it?  Confusion over which day of the week it is since Tuesday, the despair of not getting through to the next stage of the Sitcom competition - fear not, Adam and I are still going to take over the comedy world, we're just debating a different route now, that's all.  Then I saw McFly on Wednesday (and yes, before anyone asks, it really is all about Dougie), which was rather amazing - and last night, of course, was the highlight, as I trotted down the hill to the local Church Hall to attend another group meeting at Slimming World.

I have to say I haven't had the best week on the slimming front.  Not that I've overeaten.  The opposite in fact.  I've inadvertently skipped quite a few meals, which I didn't do on purpose, really - and I know it isn't a good thing to do, but sometimes a human just doesn't get time to eat.  Not over Easter when they only wake up at half nine in the morning, anyway...  Added to that is the fact Mum and Dad are still in France and I've not had use of a car for two weeks, so I've walked everywhere.  Remember that week after I'd lost 5lbs and I walked everywhere and had hardly any Syns but I only lost half a pound??  Well, this week I walked even more and ate less of everything, Syns as well as normal food. 

So, imagine my surprise when I hopped on the scales and discovered I'd lost 2lbs!!

Came back home and told the llamas about it.  Ricardo was very excited - he's a bit blase if I only lose a pound, and quite grumpy if I only lose half a pound - but two pounds is good.  It's healthy and encouraging.  So, they've got a great dance all lined up for today that you'll love.

Hit it, lads!!!

*sigh*  Jitterbugging llamas in sombreros.  It never gets old.

Andrea the Consultant was really pleased with me, I've only got a pound and a half to go before I can have my next shiny sticker and certificate.  We all know that I'm all about the shiny stickers!  Could do with a pretty big loss in the next week or so though, my line graph has set me back to reaching my goal in mid-October again, which is no good.  End of September.  That's the aim.  My dear pal Liz (who is also going to Slimming World on Thursday nights, but she's in London) is renewing her wedding vows on September 29th and we both still have a bit of work to do to get into pretty dresses in time for the big day.  But we'll do it - and that's the main thing.  I've got five and a half months to lose four and a half stone.  It's a big ask but not an impossible one - it still averages out at just over 2 1/2 lbs a week, which we all know is achievable.  I'll get there.  Eventually.  So long as I keep losing it'll be fine.  My worry is that reaching the target I've set won't be quite enough and I'll still have another stone to go.  But I'll worry about that when I get there.  I don't want to be skinny, but at the same time, this is going to be such a big life-changing thing, when I finally get there I don't want to discover I've not quite made it!

Best moment of the night was when I walked into the Church Hall and saw a sign that simply read, "Sausage Man" with an arrow pointing to the left.  Mr Syn Free Sausage has returned!!! 

Didn't get any (didn't get any Cumberland either - *boom boom*!).  Was too busy laughing.  Apparently he'll be coming to the group once a month, flaunting his wares and trying to tempt us with his stuffed peppers and meatballs.  As it were.  He's a champion among slimmers and possibly revered as some sort of deity in certain parts of Oswaldtwistle.

I hope Mr Syn Free Sausage knows how much publicity he's getting on this blog.  Everyone in the world - almost - knows about Ye Olde Sausage Shop in Oswaldtwistle Mill!!  That's right - Diary of a Fat Girl has sent him global!  We should set up some sort of partnership.  I can see it now:

Today's Diary of a Fat Girl was brought to you by Mr Syn Free Sausage, the letters M and Q and the number 14 (13's an unlucky number)...

Sigh.

My plans for the weekend are as yet unmade - and I sort of hope they stay that way.  Mum and Dad are returning to Blighty on Sunday so it will be lovely to see them again, it's been ages.  However, whatever it is that you're up to this weekend, I hope you have a fabulous time - and I'll see you all back here on Monday when I'll be looking forward to the week ahead - and trying to make sense of the next two or three years of my life without my lovely pal Helena... *sniffle*

ZOWIE!!!

This week, folks, I want you to meet some of my dancing llamas. I talk about them a lot.  And they will be doing some quite extreme dancing today.

This is Miguel.  He's the joker of the pack:

This is Ricardo - my lead dancer and leg-warmer designer:

And this is Enrique - he's the brains of the outfit and the real llama in charge.  He is the llama version of Perry from Diversity.  Put simply - don't mess with him:

You know why they're all dancing like mad eejits today?  Well.  I'll tell you.

I've lost 5lbs!!!  Get your maracas out, people, this calls for a real celebration!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIBBBAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, don't even ask me how it happened.  Something funny's going on.  I haven't really concentrated too much on dieting this week and I was poorly over the weekend so I did absolutely no exercise.  There's no reason at all why I should have lost more weight than normal.  Or, indeed, any weight at all.

My biggest surprise was that, upon learning of the tragic news of Wednesday, I didn't even attempt to consume my body weight in chocolate.  This is progress, ladies and gentlemen.  I took it on the chin, I held it in, I dealt with it - I channelled it somewhere slightly more productive (let's face it, that's why I started this blog in the first place) and I feel oddly better for it.  It's a bit peculiar.  But there you go.  5lbs.  That's a lot of uneaten chocolate.

For those of you who are interested in cumulative weight losses, I've lost 1 1/2 stone in eight weeks.  Which, eight weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed was possible.  In fact, I'm still not totally sure how I managed it.

There was a chap there tonight - Dave the Bloke has either moved groups or he's quit.  I hope he's moved groups.  He really seemed to be focussed and motivated.  But there was a chap there called Lee.  He looked like a sort of lovechild of Antony Cotton off've Coronation Street and Andy Bell off've Erasure.  At first I thought he was either new and one of those skinny people who don't need to lose any weight - but then as I saw him chatting to a load of the girls I thought perhaps he was just  a friend who'd tagged along before they all went out.  How wrong was I?  During the meeting, Andrea the Consultant handed him a special award, for having 100% attendance over the last twelve months - and for losing 8 1/2 stone!!!  Eight and a half stone!!  That's 119lbs to my American readers, and... ummm... just over 54kgs to my metric-loving readers.  She went on to ask him how losing weight has changed his life, and he said that he'd been accepted to do a 13mile charity walk over the summer, and also that he'd been accepted to do the Preston Guild half-marathon.  When she asked him what he'd have said a year ago if he'd been told he'd be running a half-marathon, he just said he would have laughed at them.  He also said that it had taken losing 8 1/2 stone for him to build up the confidence to start learning to swim, something he'd always wanted to do but been far too self-conscious to be seen out in public wearing so little.  Which oddly echoes the exact words I've said to my sister for years whenever she tells me I need to learn to swim.  I felt a bit emotional.

What a guy.  Let's hear it for Lee, everyone.

Oh, and just before I go, I must tell you about Mr Syn Free Sausage.  Officially the most camp butcher I have ever met.  Really lovely, dead chatty fella.  His business is called Ye Olde Sausage Shop.  Which cracked me up.  He turned up yesterday and I decided to go a bit early to make sure I got a pound of Cumberland for the weekend - and he'd almost completely sold out.  Apparently he'd stocked his van full to bursting and thought he'd definitely have too much and was amazed how quickly it all went.  So he's coming back next week - I'll have to make sure I get some stuff ordered before then if he's going to sell out!  I bet he had no idea his business would be so lucrative when he first took it on the road!!!  I got the only packet of sausages left, garlic ones - not my snorker of choice, but I have a feeling they'll go quite nicely in a pasta-y thing.  My sister is the best cook in the whole wide world, so if anyone can turn them into a work of art, it's her.  Can't wait!!!

Join me again on Monday, when hopefully I'll have something to report about something...!!  I hope you all have a lovely weekend - and, please, if you get chance to over the weekend, either stick on a couple of Monkees tunes or get an episode watched.  You won't regret it.

Happy Dancing

C'mon, llamas - time for you lot to get your dancing hooves on!!

*shakes maracas and dances round like a thing possessed*

Never in my whole life have I been so happy to lose one pound!!  That's it.  First stone - BAYY-UMM!!  Gone!!  Never coming back!!!  This is it, folks.  One down, six to go.  I can do this.  I can.  I can do it.  Certainly by the end of the year.  Perhaps August is a bit of a big ask.  But I can get most of this weight boxed off by then, at least!!

I'm not losing as fast as I'd like.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy and that I probably wouldn't lose 5lbs a week indefintely.  But after a fortnight of extra Being Good and only having lost a total of 2 1/2lbs, I must say I'm feeling a little nonplussed by the idea that eating less slows down your slimming rate.  I noshed like a mad eejit in my first week and lost 5 1/2 lbs.  Haven't eaten so much since and haven't lost as much weight.  There may be something in that.  I put in my target weight on the Slimming World Online site and according to their calculations I might have reached it by 8 April 2013.  That's a bit depressing.  I really need to get my act together and just try harder.  I'm not sure how they worked it out, though.  If I lost a stone in six weeks, not even at lightning pace, I don't understand why they think it'll take me 14 months to lose the other six... I'll just have to prove the calculator wrong, that's all.  What do calculators know, anyway?!  Nothing, they're just machines.  The maths is wrong.  They haven't reckoned on me - SuperSpev!  I'll slim down like some sort of slimming ninja (slimmer in a half-shell... SKINNY POWER!) and reach my target weight before they've even registered it! 

Besides, I haven't really eaten much the last couple of weeks through one thing and another.  I think the only way that Slimming World really works is if you do eat.  And eat.  And, by Jove, keep eating.  It's my kinda diet.

Mr Syn Free Sausage 2012 has agreed to come to the club in the next couple of weeks with a selection of snorkers and burgers and all sorts of yummy stuff like that.  We all got a little note on our seats to tell us.  I couldn't help but laugh when Andrea the Consultant referred to him as The Sausage Man.  She then went on, quite randomly, to ask if anyone had Special Pancakes.  Well.  I was in stitches.  Apparently, and this sounds gross, so never do it.  If you put a packet of microwavable porridge oats in a Muller Light yoghurt along with two eggs and mix it all up, then put it in the fridge overnight, it ends up making a pancake batter.  I would seriously rather go without.  It sounds hideous. I'll have real pancakes when I'm thin, thanks.

Dave the Bloke wasn't there, but another bloke has joined.  I don't like him.  He's not a groovy guy like Dave the Bloke, and he has definite hygiene issues.  The room was pratically empty and he turned up late with his mum and they chose to come and sit next to me.  He almost took up half of my chair as well as his own.  Dude.  Personal space.  And they didn't even acknowledge I was there!  Just rude.  Beth the Legend was also strangely absent. 

We had a taster evening, which I didn't partake in.  Felt a bit embarrassed.  I know it's a highly illogical thing, but I've never been a fan of eating in public and have had several cruel comments passed at me on the odd occasion I do - even when I was thinner.  I know, the last place I would get abuse hurled at me for eating would be in a slimming club - especially when some of the people there are bigger than me... but... nah.  Not my scene.  Someone made chicken fried rice using honey and soy sauce.  She gave us the recipe and I might have a bash at making it - possibly without the honey.  It sounded awesome and practically Syn free.  Someone else made a vanilla cheesecake which sounded utterly sublime.  Must look for the recipes online!

Jo and I are going to Manchester tomorrow to see Olly Murs (to be said in the dramatic style of Voiceover Man from X-Factor - OLLY MUUURRRS!!!).  Really excited, should be a great night - and at least I don't need to worry about missing The Magicians!  Will provide a full report of the action from the weekend in Monday's update.  I hope everyone has an equally fabulous weekend, whatever your plans are.  Be good!!