"...You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry..."

You do not know - you cannot possibly even begin to comprehend how much I was looking forward to yesterday, because I can't put that much excitement into words.  I've been counting down the sleeps since about 60.  I never thought that longed-for day would ever arrive, but then yesterday, it did. 

The Avengers - Earth's Mightiest Heroes - finally Assembled.  The sister and I went to the epicentre of small-town Lancashire, if not the universe (Preston), to see it.  More on that later.  I know I said I wouldn't turn into an hysterical wreck, but... to be honest, I had no other cause for celebration.  There were plans for Southport but, despite me having such very high hopes for the day, not much turned out as planned.

I left work early so I could go to the 5:30p.m. weigh in and then go to Southport with Jo for a nice bit of a nosh-up at Nandos pre-film.  But I hadn't reckoned on rush hour traffic on Golden Hill Lane in Leyland.  My plans were ruined, so we decided that I'd get weighed early for the 7:30p.m. weigh in and we'd go to Preston instead and get KFC - it's the only savoury thing I've really craved and I haven't had it since last June when I went to see X-Men First Class.  And as last week's plan of overindulging didn't go to plan, I thought I'd definitely be able to sin like mad with some well-deserved fast food.

I turned up at the Church Hall at about 7:20p.m. all full of hope - and was a bit peturbed to find that there was uproar in the group.  Trouble at t'Mill, you might say.  Everyone was angry.  There was shouting, there was a lot of, "This is a [flipping] joke!"  There was even a bit of, "That's it, I'm not wasting my time on this [nonsense] any more!  Forget it!  Shove your [blooming] weight loss regime!" It's a family-friendly blog, I had to censor the level of uproar!

I was, quite frankly, puzzled.  Normally our group is very cheerful and happy and nobody's too grumpy at all.  It's all really quite chilled out.  Everyone usually has a bit of a giggle if they put weight on.  Last night, however, was different.  Quite, quite different.  It looked like there was going to be a riot of some sort.

When I got to the weigh-in point, I asked the lady at the scales what was going on, and it turned out that Andrea the Consultant, in her infinite wisdom, had decided that the scales she's been using since time immemorial were weighing too light and so she'd bought new ones, which were weighing a bit heavy - so everyone had seemed to put weight on.  The lady before me had apparently put 6 1/2 lbs on.  There was fury.  Real, proper anger. 

I crossed my fingers, hoped for the best and got on the scales.

Apparently, despite the fact I'd done nothing differently during the past seven days and had eaten sensibly, done a bit of exercise and generally followed the same procedure that I have always done - I've put 3lbs on.

This is a nonsense.  The red mist officially descended.  I was livid.  My blood pressure almost hit 200.  I might've gone green, shot up in height and turned into an inarticulate rage monster.  I very very nearly did.  I ranted, I raved, I pointed out that we depend on the accuracy of the scales and we all spend good money each week on making sure that the equipment we need is there for us.  Even if the scales themselves were inaccurate, the increments of weight loss should be reliable.  Then I stormed out with some women who said they would never again darken the doorstep. 

I just said I was going to the pictures and was quite noncommital about my proposed whereabouts for next week.  I still don't know what to do.

Psychologically, she's done a really stupid thing to everyone.  She has two classes and all members of both groups were furious with her - and I would feel sorry for her, but why would you do that to people?  I mean, why?  Seriously.  But there's nothing we can do about it, she's not likely to change the scales back, and even if she did - next week wouldn't read right either because we've already been weighed on a different pair of scales.  Basically - the thing not to do when you're a slimming consultant, I think, is to change from a pair of scales that allegdly 'weigh light' to a pair of scales that clearly 'weigh heavy' without giving anyone any prior warning.  Just saying.

I know it only sounds like a little thing, but it isn't to me.  I mean, I have worked really hard for this, and so's Jo with all her genius cooking, and so have all of you just by encouraging me to keep going and it really feels like the one person who shouldn't have pulled the rug from under me has done.  It's like the goalposts have been moved on her whim, that whatever achievement I've celebrated I haven't been entitled to because the scales were wrong all along.  I genuinely don't know what to think now.  At this stage I'm really not sure if I want to go back to that group or not.  It isn't just me she's let down, it's everybody.  There will be a lot of grumpy fat people in Leyland today.  More than usual.

Needless to say, I came home and immediately sent the llamas off for a well deserved break to Magaluf.  Ricardo was very excited, Miguel decided he'd take fashion tips from Javier (the quiet one) and buy a bandana while he's out there, and Enrique had a panic attack because he didn't have time to do any practice packing.  They'll need the rest.  Perhaps they'll be back next week.

So, after bursting into tears and contemplating a longish trip to the roof of Argos followed by a short one down, we went to the cinema via KFC.  I could practically feel my arteries hardening when I ordered!  I didn't feel too bad.  I had Diet Coke with it.  Anyway.  It was lovely and I really wasn't in the mood to think about my waistline. 

The one thing I won't do is give away any spoilers for the film.  Seriously.  None.  Not even non-plot related ones.  All I'll say is this.  I read practically every single article, watched every single interview, watched all the trailers, all the preview scenes, and generally obsessed like a loony over the film before it was released.  When I did finally get to see it, nothing that I'd previously seen or read prepared me for it.  It was absolutely incredible.  There were thrills, spills, action, adventure, drama, some real belly laughs and a couple of really quite emotional moments.  There were so many geeky comic book references, I was absolutely delighted.  I developed an instant girl crush on Black Widow.  She's just... Agh.  I want to be her when I grow up.  Or even just one tenth as kick-ass. 

The one character I really wasn't looking forward to seeing was The Incredible Hulk.  Not because I don't like him - I mean, a geeky scientific genius who happens to be notoriously grumpy, what's not to like about that?!  But Edward Norton is my favourite actor of the modern age (James Stewart is my actual favourite actor of all time), and he has been for about 15 years, and it isn't because he's rather easy on the eye, it's because even though I haven't always liked all the films he's been in (take my advice, never watch a film called Down in the Valley.  You won't get those two hours back!), I've always believed completely in every performance he's ever given.  He's just an exceptionally talented man.  I absolutely adored his performance as Bruce Banner in the last incarnation of The Incredible Hulk, and I was so gutted that he wasn't going to reprise that role in the Avengers that I really wasn't interested in whatever anyone else thought they might have to bring to the role.  My attitude was very narrow-minded and sort of, "Huh!  Mark Ruffalo?  Who is he anyway?  He's no Norton!  He'll be rubbish.  What the hell are Marvel playing at?!" etc etc.  Well.  I well and truly had my words forced back down my throat during the film.  He was an absolute revalation, and, I have to admit it, he was actually far better than Edward Norton. 

(If anyone was wondering when I was going to mention him - hell yes, it seriously is ALL about Hawkeye...  *gazes off distractedly*)

Seriously, if you've been looking forward to it, forget absolutely all of your preconceptions and think bigger.  It's like no superhero film you've ever seen before.  I'm going to completely go out on a limb here and say it's my favourite ever superhero film, and by that I do include my beloved Spider-Man 2.  It's more than just a great superhero film, it's simply a great film.  There's something in it for everyone.  It's amazing. 

So, join me next week, when I should have calmed down from the hysteria of the film, and the red mist from the ridiculous weigh-in should have lifted by then too, when I'm sure I'll find something else to talk about...!!