Carry On Conjuring

Happy Monday, everyone!!  I know, I know - what's so happy about it?!  Well, I must be honest, on this particular Monday, I can't help but agree with you.  However, as with so much in life, the best way to get through it is to just fake it till you make it.

Speaking of double entendres, I went to see Pete Firman on Friday!  Judging from the overwhelming response from Facebook, nobody has a clue who he is.  What on earth have you all been doing on Saturday nights this year?!  He's a magician and a stand-up comedian all in the same human.  He was on BBC1's The Magicians.  What do you mean, you didn't see it?!  *facepalm*  These were the men who saved people with no social life from having to endure the embarrassment that is Take Me Out on the other side! 

Anyway.  Mr Firman has just started a nationwide tour of his conjuring, trickery and general tight-suitedness.  If he's coming to your town, go and see him.  You won't regret it, I promise.  You'll embarrass yourself by how impressed you are.  Anyone who says they aren't impressed by magic tricks is, frankly, a liar.

As I may have mentioned previously in this blog, I have a theory that magicians are life's real superheroes.  I mean, I don't think Pete can websling or has retractable claws of Adamantium or anything like that.  Although he would be called The Firmanator if he was a superhero, this is already a given.  But magicians can do impossible-looking things that normal human beings can't do.  Even if the impossible is just a clever trick that anyone can learn - I never want to be spoiled.  I like the idea of the impossible being done before my eyes.  I would hate to ever feel as though I was too cool or too clever to believe in magic.

I thought that, being sat on the front row in such a tiny little room, it would be easy to see how the tricks were done or that the whole effect wouldn't be nearly as good as if I'd been a few rows back.  But honestly, I was mesmerised for the entire set.  His first trick was, he told us, all about the art of penetration.  Before anyone gets ahead of themselves - I nearly choked on my wine - he made a handkerchief pass through a microphone stand.  He purposely fluffed it and basically just avoided doing it the first couple of times, but when he did it (and luckily he repeated it a couple of times) I honestly thought my eyes were playing tricks on me!  It only sounds like a little trick but it's very effective!

The plethora of innuendos and the amazing tricks just kept coming in a sort of a tirade.  It was fabulous.  After half an hour or so of one trick and innuendo after another, he suddenly stopped and introduced a stand-up comic to the stage named Chris Stokes.  Nobody was expecting it but what a lovely surprise!  He was hilarious.  I had face-ache from laughing so much.  I especially loved his story about owning a Thunderbirds lunchbox when he was little and, after being beaten up by some bullies in school, he actually attempted to call International Rescue.  I don't think I'd ever been so disappointed when he said that they didn't turn up.  That isn't the sort of apathetic, unhelpful attitude I expected from Jeff and the boys, frankly.  Perhaps it was Alan's turn on duty as Space Monitor that month??  I'm absolutely convinced that Chris will be *huge*, he's just ungodly funny - and he seems like a really nice chap as well.  He's also on tour at the moment, and again, if you get chance to see him, you won't regret it.  It was a lovely unexpected treat for us - I'd even go and see him on purpose!!!

After a brief interval, Pete came back.  Trick after trick followed, some I remembered from The Magicians, some I didn't - including a trick called The Magic Table.  I think the table was actually enchanted.  It just floated around the stage with the grace and agility of... well... a floating table.

I think it's only fair at this point that I talk about Andy, the Volunteer from Hell.  God love him.  He seemed like a nice enough bloke but I think he'd had one or six too many during the interval and was a little wobbly on his feet...  It wasn't just a one-trick-and-off thing, either, he was on stage for almost the rest of the night.  Bless Pete, the cheery little magical imp, he trooped on with the steely determination of a man whose only priority had turned into making sure that no tricks went wrong.  I was just glad he didn't choose me, I'm infinitely more gormless, especially on no booze!  The reason for keeping Andy up there for so long was that Pete's first trick involved a £20 note that he'd extracted from Andy's wallet - which he promptly set on fire!!  Andy then hung around onstage, assisting on the next five or six tricks while Pete tried to distract him from the fact he'd just set fire to his taxi fare home. 

I won't spoil the final trick.  It was too special.  Everyone went wild with adulation.  I will never in a gazillion years figure that out.  I have a feeling that even if Pete sat me down and explained how the trick works in minute detail, I still wouldn't get it.  It completely blew my mind. 

Can't speak highly enough of the show, it was a fabulous night's entertainment.  It was funny, it was exciting - it was a bit dramatic - and it was completely magical.  I absolutely loved it.  Don't think it'll be the last time I go to see him, either. 

Although next time, I'll remember to bring my voice and not be so starstruck.  It's never ever happened to me before.  I mean, seriously. Never.  Not even when I met 3/4 of The Monkees.  But I actually forgot my name for a moment.  How old am I?!!  Still, in my desperate attempt to not look like a giant next to him - not that he's unusually diminutive, I just happen to be an inch or so taller than him - I did manage to get a good cuddle for a photo.  He's got the comfiest shoulders of any non-drummer I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  True story.  Next time I'll speak.  Possibly.  Anyway, the point is - my tip for not looking like an absolute idiot when meeting anyone famous is definitely not "just silently grab them for a cuddle and then skip off into the night like some sort of planet-shaped fairy". 

Nothing else worth mentioning happened at the weekend, although I did watch all three Spider-Man films yesterday, which was lovely.  Andrew Garfield has some pretty mighty shoes to fill - for me, Tobey Maguire IS Peter Parker/Spider-Man.  He played him perfectly - painfully nerdy, constantly at the brink of tears, zero people skills, a 60,000 word vocabulary and a wonderful innocence about him.  I think they're going to try and make Peter a bit sexy in this new Spider-Man, and it simply won't work, I tell you!!! 

Think I've bored you all enough, now.  Join me on Wednesday, I'll give you a brief update on how the weight-loss is going and have a look forward to my eighth weigh-in!!  Hope the llamas have recovered from last Friday's blog...!!